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My mouth watered and I moaned, not sure if it was the thought of rustic loaves ofpane Toscanoor a Michele Morrone lookalike in my bed.
“That’s my girl.” Talley’s voice cracked with uncharacteristic emotion as she hugged me tight. “Come home when you’re ready. Or buy me a ticket if Luigi has a hot brother.”
Luigi was the name we’d assigned my fictitious lover as we finalized details for this impulsive trip to Tuscany. I’d swapped the airline tickets purchased in anticipation of my and Henry’s honeymoon in Orlando for a one-way, first-class seat, intent on doing exactly as Talley said. Exploring. Reevaluating. Indulging. Drinking all the wine and eating all the bread.
As for a no-strings fling, I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. I’d been too generous with Henry and look where that got me. Before I shared my heart and soul, or even just my body, with another man, I needed clarity and boundaries. I needed—no,deserved—a man prepared to worship and adore me, but that meant owning my worth first.
“I wish you were coming with me.” I adjusted the weight of my backpack, fingers tightening on the strap.
“You have to do this by yourself.” Talley tugged on the drawstring of my hoodie, trying to lighten the seriousness of her words with the playful gesture. “This isn’t a girls’ getaway. I’d be a distraction and excuse for you to avoid all the hard work you need to do.”
“Putting it like that takes all the fun out of it,” I fake-complained.
In truth, hearing the challenge in Talley’s tone scared me to death. Henry’s betrayal was easier to absorb than the fact that I was thirty-two years old and needed to revamp my entire life. A born people-pleaser, I now had an opportunity to renegotiate life on my terms. Why was standing up for myself so daunting? Why did the thought of demanding more and not settling for less make my knees tremble? Why did others’ preferences matter more than mine? Why did I care if people disapproved of my choices and decisions? And how in the hell was I going to reverse all that in thirty days?
“I can’t wait to meet Elle 2.0.” Talley blinked a few times, then backed up a step. “Henry never deserved you, but one of the reasons I didn’t criticize him was because I thought you loved the guy. Maybe you did once, but you had no qualms about pawning your wedding ring and moving out of the condo.”
“As if eight hundred bucks makes up for ten wasted years.” I ran my right thumb over the bare spot on my left ring finger.
“Whatever price you pay is worth ridding yourself of that—”
“—spineless turd,” we said together, sniggering at what had become Henry’s nickname.
“You’ll get the rest of my stuff from the condo?” I asked, glancing anxiously at my watch. I had plenty of time to get through security and make it to my gate, but this was my first solo trip to a foreign destination.
“When I leave here, I’ll stop by your parents and drop off the boxes we packed last night. Sydney said she’ll help me load up everything else.”
“Tell your sister I said thanks.”
“You know you can stay with me until you get your own place if you don’t want to move back home.” Talley released a controlled breath, a sign she was debating whether or not to speak her mind. Direct all the time and outspoken some of the time, she was also the least judgy person I knew. She hated it when people told her what to do, so she was cautious about imposing her opinions on others.
“Just say it.” I tapped my toe, pantomiming impatience.
“Remember how creative you used to be? You wore crazy getups, and every wall in your bedroom was a different color, but it totally worked. Your parties were the best. Over the top and off the wall, but everyone loved them. You made your own cards for birthdays and holidays, and you were a crafting whiz at summer camp. You aced every class when you were in college, studying marketing and digital media.” Her brows dipped in a stern V. “Now you crunch numbers for a living and live in a condo with beige carpeting, beige walls, and beige blinds. You eat tasteless, low-sodium, high-fiber food so Henry can keep his bowels on a regular schedule. Shit, Elle. Even Whiskers the cat is beige.”
If I didn’t know how much Talley loved me, her words would have knocked me breathless. Instead, I realized how much life, how much color, Henry had sucked out of me.
“You’ll always be my best friend, even if you’re my beige bestie,” Talley said softly. “But you deserve to be your best self. You are beautiful and talented and generous and clever. You’re amazing and perfect just the way you are. Or were. Or will be. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to be more or less or different.”
I sucked in air, blown away by Talley’s earnestness. Her sincerity made mefeelhow much she cared. Like my parents. In trying to please Henry and gain his approval, I’d forgotten there were people who appreciated me just the way I was.
“Wow,” I marveled as memories washed over me. Driving my parents crazy because I was constantly repainting and repapering my bedroom. Going to the Eastern Market downtown with my mom on Saturdays to shop for ingredients for whatever new recipe we were trying that week. Being named costume coordinator for the theater department in high school. Winning a student achievement award for my advertising campaign my senior year at Wayne State University. “How did this happen?”
I followed Talley’s pointed gaze and looked down at myself, the pale peach of my hoodie and gray of my comfy yoga pants making me feel almost invisible.
“I haven’t seen you wear purple or turquoise in forever. Those were your signature colors in high school.”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes at the enormity of what I’d sacrificed. I shuddered, picturing how much more of myself would have been lost had I married Henry. Spineless turd or not, he’d done me a solid.
I threw my arms around Talley. She let me sob for fifteen seconds before setting me firmly on my feet.
“Try to sleep on the plane.” She pressed a kiss to the middle of my forehead and stepped back, uncomfortable with my public display of emotion. “It’s been a crazy twenty-four hours, but you’re ready. Henry is in your rearview mirror, we’ve snipped all the strings tying you to him, you have a fabulous new look, and now you’re off for the adventure of a lifetime. Expand your horizons, stretch your wings…all that New Age advice Sydney likes to spout.”
The heavy weight of regret lifted as anticipation fluttered in my chest. I could look at the past ten years as wasted time or a valuable lesson. The latter, I decided. I didn’t know what the future held—that’s what I was going to figure out—but I was clear on what I didn’t want.
“Thanks, Tal.” I hugged her one last time and then headed for Security. “For everything.”
“Have fun with Luigi,” she called out.
