AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Three
Phoenix
With the news of Mom’s passing and the reality that I was on my own settling in, the days that followed were a blur. Everything was happening too quickly. Due to the nature of the accident, Mom’s body wouldn’t be released until early next week.
Mom is never going to come home again. I begged her to find a new job after the last time her store was robbed. That store, in particular, had been held up a few times over the past few years. It was the cause of so many arguments between the two of us.
When Dad was convicted, the supermarket on the other side of town was the only place she could find that would pay her enough to make ends meet.
Her boss was a real asshole. He gave her the worst shifts during the week because she wanted the weekends at home with me. Mom was made to pick up an evening shift on the night she died; she wasn’t even supposed to be there.
Mom was a fighter, though. The night of my last performance she pulled a baseball bat on a man with a fucking gun. She thought she could scare him off, but her error in judgment cost her everything.
The police and Child Services decided that it was okay for me to stay at my place if Ms. K stayed with me until my legal guardian arrived. The mention of a legal guardian had me panicked. I mean, I didn’t have any living relatives, and my father wouldn’t be offered parole until he served at least fifteen years of his twenty-five-year sentence. So, who was this mysterious person, and how did my parents know them?
With questions running through my head, I asked Ms. K if I could take a trip to Goulburn Supermax to see my dad. On the two-hour drive from my house in Sydney’s outer leafy suburbs, I had a lot of time to think. I thought about that night, and every night since, that’s led me to where I am now.
I don’t know how I’m going to face Dad today. He was so in love with Mom, he has to be so broken, and I don’t know how to be strong for him. They were so in love, and this must have crushed him when he found out. Life could be so cruel at times, and I knew what it felt like to have your heart ripped away.
Walking up to the main entrance of the prison, I signed myself in, handing over my belongings to the guard on duty as I walked through the metal detector. The guards here know me well, and a familiar guard waves me in to be patted down. Over the years, Officer Hasham and I have struck up a nice little friendship. Well, as nice as a friendship could be between a guard and an inmate’s child.
“Hey, Phoenix, sorry to hear about your mom, sweetie. How are you holding up?” Officer Hasham offered as she led me over to the side to conduct the pat-down.
Staring at her with unshed tears in my eyes, I whisper my response. “It’s hard. I feel so lost, so alone. I don’t know what to think anymore. It’s just me now. Dad’s stuck in here, and we don’t have any other relatives left.”
I mean, how the hell did she think I was holding up? I was so sick of hearing that question. Honestly, it was like someone was reaching inside of my chest and ripping out my heart, leaving nothing but a festering black hole in its place.
“It’s hard, sweetheart, I know. But you will get through this,” Hasham replies, her voice laced with sorrow. “Come on, Phoenix. I’ll escort you to the visitation room so you can see your dad. We set up a private room for you, and given the circumstance, we feel that you need the comfort only a father can offer.”
I follow her down the long corridor, past the admin offices, and the Warden’s office. Everywhere I look, I can feel eyes on me. It sends shivers down my spine. As we turn the corner, Officer Hasham ushers me into a small room.
There’s a table in the center and a mirrored window on one wall. The red light blinking on the camera above us captures my attention. For a moment, I’m not sure if I’m here for a visitation or an interrogation.
I sit quietly at the table as Dad emerges from the hallway, two guards at his side. He lets out a long sigh as he sinks into the chair opposite me, his sad smile settling over me like an impossible weight.
“Daddy,” is all I get out before my head falls, and I break out into painful sobs. I know this is hard on me, but it must kill my father. I don’t want to let him see how much this is breaking me, but my tears come anyway.
Reaching out his hands over the table, Dad places them over my trembling ones. Looking at him now, I can see he’s been going through hell with the news about Mom. His eyes are red-rimmed and kind of swollen, and he looks tired like he hasn’t slept in days. His hair has started to grey, and he just looks tired and worn.
“Baby girl, I wish I could say something, shit, even do something to make this better for you,” his small statement rips another painful sob from me.
“I … I … I’m so, so sorry, Daddy,” I stutter in between sobs. I can’t comprehend how he must be feeling, knowing that he’s stuck here day in and day out while I’m out there dealing with the aftershock of losing the one person a girl should never have to live without.
“We will get through this,” my dad says, “one day at a time, one step at a time, we will get through this.”
“Daddy,” I start, looking him straight in the eyes, “I need to know who my guardian is. The lawyers and people from Children’s Services haven’t told me much, just that they will arrive this Thursday.”
At that, I notice Dad’s shoulders tense, a silent war waging inside that he refuses to share with me. Did he even know who my guardian was? As the silence stretches between us, he shifts uncomfortably, and my stomach feels weighted with rocks. It is almost as if he doesn’t want to tell me.
Cautiously, I broach the subject again. “Dad, who is my guardian?”
“Shit, we never got around to changing it,” he whispers as his eyes snap to mine. He looks somewhat remorseful when he continues. “Phoenix, you have to believe me. We never planned for this to happen. We were going to change it …”
“What do you mean by that, Dad? Please tell me it’s not who I think it is?” The stress and the pain I have felt over the last few days gives way to anger and confusion. What is he not telling me? Surely, he doesn’t mean what I think he’s trying to say.
After what happened years ago, wouldn’t they change my emergency contact to someone else? My father realizes that I’ve put the pieces together, and though he looks remorseful, I know his hands are tied.
“Oh, fuck no, this is not happening. Dad, I will not fucking live with those people. You can’t expect me to, not after … everything.” Anger burns inside me as I seethe, “no fucking way, Dad, please, please tell me there is another way.”
