Page 12 of Sinfully Devoted

“Shit, Stryker, she just fucking moved.” Logan sounded excited.

“That’s not funny, Lo’.” The pain in Stryker’s voice made me want to cry. I’d been trying so hard every time I’d heard my guys, to open my eyes, or say something. He must have taken hold of my other hand, giving it a squeeze. “Hey, Phee, Lo says you moved your hand. Think you could squeeze mine for me? ”

“Holy shit, Phee,” Stryker exclaimed. For the first time in days, there was relief in his voice. I couldn’t squeeze his fingers, but I was able to move my own. It was a win. “Open your eyes for me, baby.”

Shifting sent aches rolling through my body. I felt the desire to open my eyes, but they, like the rest of me, felt heavy, almost like they were glued shut. My eyelids fluttered rapidly; small slithers of light started to filter through. The brightness of the room was somewhat painful and caused me to squint. Everything was blurry, and I found it hard to focus. I could see shadowy figures in front of me; I knew who they were, but was unable to make them out through sight alone.

It took a few minutes, but my surroundings finally came into focus. The familiar white walls of a hospital room, and flowers that adorned every available surface; that explained the floral scents I had picked up on. There was a roll-away bed along one wall, and four chairs surrounding the bed. In front of me, the shadowy figures started to become clearer—two familiar faces, both in varying degrees of scruffiness.

I could make out another figure standing by the door to my room, but I didn’t recognize her. She was tall, and slender. Her green eyes shimmered in the light, outlined in thick black eyeliner, her auburn hair in a high ponytail. She looked like she’d stepped right off a catwalk. She just stood there and stared at me. I felt like a caged animal in a zoo. My heart started to pound as Logan went to take my hand again. I reacted before I could think, snapping my hand away. The last time he’d been around me, I’d been taken. The look he gave me as I did, both confused and hurt, sent pangs of guilt through me. Since I’d arrived in the States, he and I had done nothing but fight.

My breath was shallow as I looked between Logan and Stryker. So many things were flying through my head. I remembered the cabin: my argument with Logan, leaving him inside as I stormed out to the dock, then being taken. It was all playing like a weird soundless black and white movie. Frantically shaking my head, I gripped the blanket, pulling it up tight around myself.

“Hey. Hey, Phee, try to slow your breathing for me. Like me, see?” Logan asked calmly as he gently tried to touch me. My body shook as I watched him, breathing in and then out. “Shhhh, it’s okay. You’re safe now. I promise you, no one is going to hurt you anymore.”

“No, don’t.”

The flinching was involuntary. Pulling his hand back as if I had bitten him, his eyes were full of agony and regret. But I didn’t care. My eyes must have told him what I couldn’t, and I didn’t miss his reaction, either of their reactions. There was concern and worry written all over them, but even more clear was the hurt I could see in their eyes, almost as if they were reflecting what I felt back at me. “Don’t you fucking touch me.”

“Phee, please, I’m…”

“H… h… he’s back.” Sobs wracked through me as I latched onto Logan’s arm. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I heaved as I tried to catch my breath. Everything I’d been through for four fucking years, the rape, losing my parents, making to move halfway across the world, came crashing down all at once. “He is supposed to be dead.”

“I know, Tiny Dancer. I know,” Logan said as he rested his forehead against mine. The contact made me freeze before I tried to pull back. “You don’t know how sorry I am, Phee. For everything.”

Logan released me once I started to calm down, though my tears still flowed, but the panic attack that had started was slowly ebbing. As soon as he got up from my bed, Stryker took his spot. I didn’t miss the unshed tears that hid the storm behind his eyes. As he reached out to cup my face, another set of images started to play out in my mind.

Dark soulless eyes, the malevolent smirk of a monster from my past as he loomed over me, as he rained down blow after blow. With each image that flashed across my mind, I could feel the impact. I remembered everything, every blow, every word. It came up fast, as one final memory came flooding back. The bile burned the back of my throat as I swallowed it back down.

I could see in their faces that my reaction killed them. It killed me, but the memories of what I had endured had come flooding back. I was back to where I’d been four years earlier. The scared little girl, the one that shied away from any type of human contact. It was pathetic.

Rolling to my side, I pulled the blanket up around myself as tears started to fall. I hated it. I had worked too hard to feel normal again, and I couldn’t retreat back to that person. I wouldn’t let Kyle fucking Ducane do this to me again. I knew these guys. I was safe with them, although the jury was still out on Logan.

I just needed time. They were trying, I could see that. I needed time to gather my thoughts, to work through the emotions before I could talk.

“Hey man, I’m just going to let them know she’s awake,” Logan interrupted, his eyes never leaving mine. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I didn’t know how to say it. I remembered the scene at the cabin. He kept saying that he knew, but he wouldn’t tell me how he had found out. I wanted to know why Stryker was treating him as though nothing had happened between us.

“Yeah, okay,” Stryker answered him in acknowledgment.

Nodding, Logan headed for the door. The girl that was there before had disappeared. Looking over his shoulder once more, he gave me a small smile. I closed my eyes and turned over, staring out the window, as everything I had known shattered before me.

Chapter Twelve – Logan

The moment I’d felt her hand move, my heart had skipped. For the last few days, there had been small signs that she was slowly coming to. We had all been taking turns staying with her. None of us wanted her to be alone when she did wake up, but the look on her face had fucking shattered my heart.

I could tell the moment she’d started to remember. The moment she remembered our encounter at the cabin. I had too many regrets, that day being one of my biggest, and I would give everything to go back and change that day. The promise I just made to her, I’d meant every word. She would never have to know what it felt like to be scared and alone again. If it took me forever, I would make sure of it. Just thinking about what I’d been putting her through, the guilt was tearing me up inside.

I had been mentally scolding myself since I’d tried to hold her earlier. The barrage of emotions I felt when she yelled not to touch her had hurt initially, but the fear on her face. . . it was something I never wanted to see again. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, and lord knows I fucking deserved it, but it was like a thousand daggers ripping into me. I don’t know what I was expecting. I knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but I had hoped it wouldn’t take too long for her to start warming up to me.

“Excuse me.” I tried to get the attention of the nurse that sat behind the desk at the nurse’s station. I didn’t want to push her too soon. I was amazed she hadn’t ordered me out as soon as she came too, even more so when I tried to give her some reassurance.

“Yes?” The nurse looked up from her computer. She looked as though she needed a break; her tired eyes looked less than impressed that I had interrupted her. I couldn’t fault the staff here. They had been really good since they’d brought her up from the ER. I knew they didn’t like it when we were all in her room; it’s why we’d set up a roster after the first night.

“Uh, Phoenix Brooks, the girl in room three,” I started to tell her.

“Yes, I know who you’re talking about. I also know you are the one that hardly leaves. ” I picked up on the irritated tone. “What can I do for you, Mr. Ducane?”

“I just wanted to tell you that she is awake.” The look on her face quickly morphed from annoyance, to something else.

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