AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“He- he,” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Just the thought of it made my skill crawl. I knew they were just trying to reassure me, but it didn’t help.
“Yeah, Firecracker, I know,” Stryker sounded crestfallen, trying to comfort me. “But Lo’ is right, Phee. You’re safe now.”
Safe. What the hell did that mean anyway? Kyle was supposed to be dead, and because of that, I had felt safe. But not anymore. I felt lost, confused. I was trying hard to keep it together. The only question that I wanted an answer to was: why me?
Chapter Seventeen - Phoenix
Numb.
That’s what I felt. Nothing but complete numbness. Lord only knows, I must have done something really fucking bad in another life to have this happen again. Ever since Doctor Summers filled in on the extent of my injuries, I’d been trying to figure out the why.
Staring out the window of my hospital room, I watched the reflections of light bounce off the water in the courtyard below as the sun started to set. It had been the first day that I didn’t have everyone around. In fact, it had been the first time in a week that I didn’t have them hovering over me. I think they were all made to go to school, or work. It had been somewhat cathartic, being alone. It gave me time to think, to re-evaluate things. It also gave me the opportunity to ask the questions I needed answers for, without any of the guys trying to stop me. I wanted to hate the world. The need to go, smash and destroy everything around me had been slowly building. It didn’t help that the guys had been treating me like I might break at any second. It was laughable, really; how could they not see what I did? I was already broken; this had just fucking shattered what was left.
I knew they would be back soon, it’s why I had called Paige earlier to come pick me up. I was thankful that Stryker left her number for me to use just in case I needed anything. I couldn’t take much more of their mothering. As I didn’t need a legal guardian to sign me out, I made sure all my paperwork had been filled out and that I had everything I needed packed. I knew the guys were gonna freak out when they realised I was gone, but I figured I’d call once I was out of there. “Oh, so you decided to get out of bed today?” The sarcastic tone immediately had my hackles up. Ever since I’d woken up, this chick had been hanging around. Most days she came with Stryker and Jonah. But not today, no, today she was here on her own.
“Paige, I’d like to say it’s a pleasure, but that would be a lie.” I didn’t mean to come across as a bitch, but this chick was always there, watching me. “But thank you for answering my call.”
“Awww, come on Phee-Phee. Don’t you think it’s time to put away the resting bitch face and kick back at the haters?” God, this chick was annoying, with her perfect hair and perfect clothes. Her perfect fucking life.
“Kick back, you say?” Who was I going to kick back at? No one would tell me whether they had caught Kyle. And if they hadn’t, that meant he was still out there somewhere. Just the thought sent chills down my spine. “You going to tell me who I’m kicking back at? Or are you gonna keep quiet, like the rest of them?”
Walking over to the window where I was seated, Paige pulled up a chair. “Okay, hun. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I want to help you, not fight you. Stryker, the douche canoe, should have already spoken with you about it.”
“Well, he didn’t, and how did he think you could help?” Forgive me for being wary, but I couldn’t help it. I hated that my confidence had been shaken again, and that old friend, distrust, had started to creep back in.
“You and I, Phoenix; we’re not all that different.” The look in her eyes matched the haunted one that had stared back at me every day since I’d woken up. But how was that possible? Paige Lennox was nothing like me. She was confident; she acted carefree. “I know what you’re thinking; how can that be?”
“Basically, yeah.” There was no need to beat around the bush with her; Paige was a straight shooter, telling you how it was flat out. Getting up from my perch by the window, I walked over to the door, shutting it. I liked knowing who was coming and going from my room, and the door creaked when opened, so I kept it shut most days. “You say we’re similar, but how so? You walk with an air of confidence. Like you don’t have a care in the world. So tell me, Paige, how are you and I the same?”
“We are alike in more ways than one, but most significantly, we’ve both experienced evil first-hand.” Taking out a silver zippo lighter from her purse, she started flipping the lid open and closed, over and over again. “I’m able to be like I am because of the help I got, the same type of help you got the first time, and the same as you will get now, with one notable difference: you have me.”
From the way she talked, I could tell that she knew about my past and the current events. It kinda felt like a knife to the heart, knowing they’d told someone I didn’t know. However misguided it was, it still hurt.
“And how, exactly, is that meant to help me?”
“Well, for one, you and I are getting out of this four-walled sterile prison you have holed yourself up in. We’re checking into a hotel for some girl time.” Feigning boredom, she looked at her nails. The chick must have been on some good fuckng crack if she thought I was going anywhere with her. I had only known her for a few days, at best, and most of the time, she was with the guys. “I can read that expression like a book, Phee-Phee. I’ll make it easy for you. If you come with me, you can invite some friends. If you don’t like it, I’ll drop you back at the beach house you share with the hottie. Deal?”
Thinking it over for a minute or two, I considered her offer. Everything in me screamed to turn her down and stay in the hospital where it was safe. The voices that had taken up residence in my head were talking all too loudly. I had to leave after that day anyway, so why not go with her? The boys all seemed to trust her, and most days she just sat in the room and talked about absolutely nothing. “I can invite anyone?”
“Well, not anyone. I was thinking maybe those two chicks that have been hanging around. You know, the annoying one, and the quiet, bookish chick that is always watching.” Screwing her nose up as she described Cami was kinda funny. She had only met her once and had decided she disliked her. But it was the way she described Luca that piqued my curiosity.
“Cami isn’t that bad, Paige. You need to give her a chance.” Defending my friend, I walked to the side table and picked up my phone, shooting a text to my girls; I turned back to Paige. “So, the boys are on board with this, then?”
“Mmhmm, sorta.” There was something in the way she said it that told me that they hadn’t exactly signed off on it. “Let’s be real for a second. They have been hovering, and you need some air. I love my cousin, Chicka, but the only way you’re gonna be okay is if you let that shit out.”
An awkward silence descended over the room. I stared at my phone for a minute and let out a shaking breath. Ever since my talk with Dr. Summers, I was second-guessing everything I did. I felt like I was going backward, back to that scared little thirteen-year-old who constantly looked over her shoulder. It’s what I did every time I was alone. It pissed me off that this had made me scared of my own shadow again.
“Hey, Paige. Umm, does it get any easier?” I needed to know. Every part of me ached to be touched, craved the arms of my guys wrapped around me, holding me tight, but just the mere thought of it had me freezing up. I hated being in this position again; the only difference was that I didn’t have my mom there to help me through it.
“Does what get easier, Phee?” she asked as she looked up at me, concern in her eyes. I didn’t fully trust the girl yet. All things considered, being Stryker’s cousin made me wonder if she was really there to be my friend. The look she gave me had me nervously picking at the invisible lint on the t-shirt Jonah had brought up for me.
“You know,” I hated that I couldn’t even say it without freezing up, but it was like she could read my mind, cause Paige was up and by my side within seconds.
“I can’t answer that one for you, Phee, cause it’s only happened once to me. But you gotta know that you’re strong, right?” She nudged my side, kinda like the big sister I always wished I had. “But you’re not alone. You will get through this. Things may be a little dark right now, and girl, you’re allowed to embrace that. Just remember, you will never be alone in this.”
I felt the heat of embarrassment spread over my cheeks. Pep talks were never really my thing. It was the same when mom used to give them to me. I offered her a weak smile as I wiped a stray tear from my face.
“It’s not a party, right?” I had to ask. I didn’t really want to be around too many people. But the thought of some girl time with my friends did seem a little appealing, and it would give me the opportunity to get to know Paige a little better.
