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“Bullshit,” Stryker coughed as he sat forward in his chair. He was starting to get antsy. “What about the Lords of Salem, Max? What can you tell me about them?”
Just like a chess master, Stryker had seemingly checkmated my father with one not so random question. But it wasn’t the question that had the hairs standing up on my neck, it was my father’s reaction. He visibly paled, and I could hear his brain ticking as he tried desperately to think quickly on his feet.
“I’m sorry, boys, I’d like to stay and answer more of your inane questions, but I have a business meeting in half an hour, and I need to get ready.” My father evaded the question as he checked his watch, like the last hour hadn’t even happened. Looking back at the both of us, he continued. “I think it’s time you both leave.”
Stryker chuckled to himself, and as he got up, he leaned over the desk and grabbed my father by his tie, pulling him close. “Max, I suggest you start sleeping with one eye open, because I know— I know everything.”
He didn’t know it yet, as I hauled Stryker out of the room, my mind running a million miles a minute, but my Dad had signed his own death warrant that night
Chapter Twenty Nine - Phoenix
I didn’t know how long I had walked before I reached the lookout. I’d been sitting there for a while before I made my way to the railing. The place was beautiful, I’d often go up there to think about things after I’d moved into Damon’s. But for the first time since I had started, it did nothing to calm me down. Climbing over the railing, I made my way to the lookout’s edge.
The wind whipped up around me as I stood there looking out at the ocean. The waves below crashed over the jagged rocks with a roar so loud, it was like a jackal beckoning its prey with a smile full of razor-sharp teeth. It would have been so easy to just jump and end it all, but that would mean Kyle had won. Maybe this was what my mother had meant when she said I would face some dark decisions.
The ocean spray was cool against the blazing hot tears that fell down my face. Who would want me now? Who would love me, without just seeing the damaged, broken shell of the girl I once was? There was nothing good left inside me anymore. Hmph, nothing good on the outside either. I saw the pity in their eyes when they looked at me. The disgust that flashed over their faces when they noticed the scars. The hesitation when they touched me, and the hush of their voices when I entered the room.
They all saw me as damaged, poor Phoenix Brooks. The girl who wasn’t good for anything but being a punching bag. The fragile, broken girl. No one would care, really. I could slip away, disappear. Jump into the angry water below and fade into the darkness. It would make things easier for them all if I did.
The night I’d fucked Logan was still fresh in my mind. I’d felt nothing that night. Sure, I came, but the whole thing had left me feeling numb. It was kind of cathartic, considering all I had felt up at to that point was pain and disgust. It was a welcomed reprieve from all the shit I’d endured. When I brought it up with my therapist, she’d warned me against using sex as a coping mechanism, but when Paige and I spoke, she just told me to be careful.
It wasn’t as if I was out sleeping around, though. Stryker and Jonah still refused to touch me intimately, even after I’d tried to initiate it. Logan had been an impulsive decision, he was there, I had an itch, and he scratched it. I couldn’t even say I disliked the guy anymore. He’d been working so hard to break through my defences, to regain my trust, and it was working. I relished the numbness that night brought me, until Damon had thrown it in my face. Now, all I felt was guilt.
“Arghhhh…” Dropping to my knees, I screamed so loud that even the dead could hear me. The pain inside was all—consuming; it hurt to breathe most days. So many questions left inside that would never be answered. Had I become such a burden on them they felt keeping me in the dark was a better option?
“Why? Why me?” I yelled into the nothingness around me as I choked back sobs. “Why did you pick me?”
“If you jump, they win.” Luca came up beside me, and pulled me in for a hug. I hadn’t even heard her approaching. Just how long had she been there? How much had she heard? “You’re stronger than this, Phee. Yeah, those boys kept things from you, but it wasn’t intentional. They were only trying to protect you, and however misguided they were, it was all done with good intentions.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes and took in what she was saying. Luca had a point. It was just hard to get over— the fact that they had kept me in the dark was only one of the things that played on my mind. “I know Lu, it’s just that I don’t need them keeping things from me. Am I that broken?”
“We’re all a little broken, Phee.” She nudged my shoulder with her own as she gazed absently out over the greying ocean. Luca had always been the quietest of the crew. But when she spoke, you listened. “It’s how we come out at the other end that counts, Boo.”
Chapter Thirty – Phoenix
After Luca had found me at the lookout, she and Paige had decided to spend the night with me at the beach house. I knew Luca would have questions after she’d found me, and she would for sure tell the others about it too. The last thing I needed was to burden them any more than I already had.
“I’m just so angry,” I said, sitting on my bed. I stabbed at the Chinese food, imagining it was the face of the asshole that was the cause of all of it. “Why would they think it was a good idea to keep that shit from me?”
“My family did the same to me after I was attacked,” Paige stated, looking at me. I could see the empathy in her eyes. She had been through something similar to me, and I guess kinda knew what I was going through. “The guys thought they were doing what was right.”
“It makes me feel as though I am burdening them with my issues when they do that though,” I confessed. I hated that I was sounding weak. I hated everything about the whole messed up situation. “I just want them to treat me like they used to. I hate the constant reminders that it happened again.”
“So tell them Phee, stop letting it eat you up inside. Take back your control,” Paige deadpanned. She was right, the only way to make them see that I wasn’t a fragile doll, would be to show them.
“I know you're scared, Phee, but you're stronger than that,” Luca added. When she’d found me at the lookout earlier, I guess I’d kinda worried her a little when I was looking out over the ocean. I couldn’t lie, the thought had crossed my mind, but she was right. Taking the easy way out would mean that Kyle had won.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” I apologized, I hadn’t meant to worry her. I could tell she wanted to say more, but she just nodded and continued to eat. “Could we please keep that between us, though?”
She looked at me for a few seconds, deep in thought, before dropping her fork on the plate. “Yeah, but you have to promise me never to do that shit again. I won’t hesitate next time, Phee.”
Looking at Paige, I waited for her response. I had a feeling she’d keep it to herself, but I needed to hear it.
“I’m not gonna be the one to open that can of worms,” she said, shaking her hands in front of herself. “You think my cousin is bad now, if he thought you’d try cliff diving off the lookout, you’d never see the light of day again without him gluing himself to your arse.”
“Paige,” Luca scolded as she gave her a look. Those two had been getting closer since Paige had started hanging out with the crew. It was nice, considering Cami was so stand offish towards Paige.
“I wouldn’t have done it. I just hate feeling like I’m helpless. But yeah, if I start to feel like that, I’ll call you,” I promised her. Truth was, I was kinda embarrassed she’d found me like that. I never wanted anyone to see me that way, it was a moment of weakness I’d be doing everything I could never to repeat. I had to start turning things around. I needed to show them I was still the strong girl they fell for before it all went to hell.
