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“Good, ” was all she said.
“Can I ask you something, Lu?” I looked at her and waited, nervously biting my lip.
“You know you don’t have to ask that, Phee.” Her reply was soft as she got up and collected our plates. I didn’t know much about her past, but she always seemed to be fighting against something.
“What did you do to feel safe again?” I asked, looking down as I placed my hands in my lap. I’d been asking around the last few days. Cami had told me to continue with self-defence, my therapist suggested a more intense round of therapy, and Paige had been suggesting I learn how to use a gun. “Everyone has told me different things, but I don’t know, I don’t feel the therapy is working. I enjoyed the self-defence classes, but the thought of firing a gun kinda scares me.”
“Me, personally, I combined self-defence with a bit of weapons training. What scares you about guns?” She stopped at the door and turned back to me. “With the right training, it could make you feel a lot safer. And you’d also know that if it came down to it, you’d be able to defend yourself.”
Paige looked from Luca, back to me. “What have you settled on? And why are you worried about that?”
“I don’t like being kept in the dark, Paige. It leads you into a false sense of security,” I sighed. I hated that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “They did that because they thought it would make me feel safe. I can’t be like that, a burden to them. D’ said they were all going crazy when the psycho took me, but the fact that they have him locked up somewhere doesn’t give me any comfort either.”
“What do you mean by that, Phee?” Her eyes were full of concern as she glanced up from the television at me.
“I mean, he has hurt me twice now, and he was supposed to be dead, and I still don’t understand how that fucking happened.” I shook my head as the thought started to consume me. “The guys won’t always be around, Paige. I need to do something. They can’t be worrying about me twenty-four seven.”
“Come on girls, we’re gonna be late!” I yelled out to Luca and Cami, as I slipped into my joggers, lacing them up tightly. “Paige will be here any minute now.”
“Remind me again where we’re going?” Cami asked as she walked out of my bathroom, midway through tying her hair up. “I just want to make sure I’m dressed properly.”
Looking down at her outfit, Cami picked a piece of invisible lint off her black sweater. She hated going out in workout clothes, being seen in all black even more so, so I understood her hesitancy with her appearance. Out of us all, she was the one that spent the most time on the way she looked. But I had to give it to her, she was being a trooper.
“We’re going to The Rage Cage,” Luca stated so matter-of-factly, following Cami out of the bathroom. We were all almost dressed identically. The two instructions Paige had given us when she dropped us off were to dress comfortably, and to wear black. “Relax, Cam, you’re gonna have a good time, and trust me, no one’s gonna care that you’re dressed in gym gear.”
Both of us giggled at our friend’s vanity as Luca sat next to me to put her shoes on. Ever since the lookout incident, she, like Paige, had become my rock, although every now and then I noticed that familiar glazed look in her eyes- my friend had been through a lot, yet she kept it all to herself.
“Sounds good. What’s so great about this place anyway?” Cami questioned, as she started flicking absently through her phone. Peering up at us with a raised eyebrow, she shook her head. “I mean, who pays good money to go and break things anyway?”
“We do, Cami Bear,” Paige answered, as she swung an arm over Cami’s shoulder, and pulled her in for a hug. “Trust me when I tell you, you’ll enjoy it. Plus the other upside is that we can’t get into any trouble from those alpha-holes that are sitting in the living room.”
Luca and I couldn’t help but laugh loudly at Paige’s reference to the guys. Things had started to calm down since their ‘intervention.’ I had been talking to them more, and vice versa, but I still felt a little slighted that they had kept so much from me. As for the Kyle bombshell, I pushed that into the can’t deal basket while I processed everything else. I mean, how the hell was I supposed to decide someone’s fate?
“You know they’re just gonna want to come with, right?” I said as I grabbed my bag, stopping in front of the mirror and giving myself a final once over. “I kinda want it to be just us tonight.”
I liked that we had everything out in the open, but it still felt a little raw. My unwillingness to talk about Kyle had us all walking around on eggshells. Everyone either avoided the topic altogether, or in Stryker’s case, insisted on talking about it. It had caused a little tension between the two of us, as he wouldn’t let up, and I’d rather bathe in a vat of acid whilst sticking needles in my eyes than think about it.
“Oh, Phee Phee, you underestimate the power of your magic vajayjay, Boo,” Paige retorted rather crudely, motioning to me, then to the lounge area. “Those a-holes out there won’t try. They’re still trying to make up for keeping shit from you. I’m pretty sure they’d swan dive off the lookout if you asked them to.”
“I wouldn’t put it past them to try, though,” Luca interjected, giggling again as Paige shot her a death stare that could give Death himself a run for his money. There was a rare spark in her eyes when she turned back to me. “I’d ask them to watch The Notebook instead of jumping off the cliff though, cause Ethan hasn’t been the same since I Notebook-ed him.”
Trying to contain her own laughter, Paige shook her head. “If all else fails, I’ll just tell ‘em we’re going to see a chick flick at the movie theatre.”
“Or, I don’t know, we could just let Phee handle them,” Cami chimed in as she made her way out of the room. “After all, it’s her shit list they’re trying to get off of, so they’ll most certainly do anything to make her happy right now.”
Shaking my head at her, I hated how right she was. Sighing, I followed her, calling out behind me to the others. “Come on, let's get outta here.”
As we headed to the door, it was awkward as fuck when we passed the living room. Part of me wanted to go to them as if there wasn’t a divide between us, but the stubborn part of me kept me walking past with barely a glance at them. I was torn. My heart wanted my guys back where they belonged, but my mind kept telling me not to give in too easily.
“Paige, you got a minute?” The sound of Stryker’s voice sent electricity pulsing through my body, almost breaking my resolve. Looking over my shoulder, his eyes were locked on me. “Please.”
Chapter Thirty One - Stryker
I couldn’t take my eyes off my Firecracker as my cousin looked at her for an okay. Nodding, Paige threw her the car keys. “I’ll only be a minute. Meet you in the car, yeah?”
It was agony as I watched Phee leave the room with the other girls. It took all the control I had not to go running after her, or to throw her over my shoulder, never letting her go. Every single part of my being screamed at me to do it, but I couldn’t. She was wearing a real smile for the first time in a long time, and I wasn’t going to be the one to take that away from her. I missed her smiles, and hearing her laughter. I also missed the feel of her body next to mine.
“Stryker— hello.” Paige called my name as she snapped her fingers in front of my face. The clear irritated look on hers told me that I’d zoned out on her again. “I’d ask if you were okay, but I can clearly tell that's not the case.”
