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The jealousy floods my veins, running wild like a current building from an impending storm. My insecurities fight for attention, telling me I’m not good enough again because this is just a ‘fling,’ and soon she’ll be back to playing the role of Benedict Banks’s wife.
I stand up, unable to look at anyone, allowing the anger to consume me. “I need to go. I have somewhere to be tonight.”
Without a goodbye, I turn around and walk off, knowing I’ll pay the price later when everyone contacts me to make sure I’m okay.
Well, I’m not okay.
Far from it.
But I’m my own worst enemy, fighting for a girl again who places someone else above me.
Déjà-fucking-vu.
Nineteen
Jessa
Andy storming out isn’t how I imagined the night would end.
We all sat in silence upon his departure. My cousins aren’t oblivious to what’s happening, despite Andy wanting to keep things between us. Just because I said my marriage isn’t working out doesn’t mean something is going on between Andy and me.
I don’t want to be known as that woman.
The one who cheated on her husband and destroyed her marriage.
Yet as I sit here, lost in my thoughts, the truth is I’d crossed all the boundaries, even when I said I’d never cheat on Benedict.
The lie I continue to feed myself has run its course.
The damage is done.
The guilt eats away at me as I sit here across the other side of the world. The poisonous seed is implanting itself into me, and no matter what I do or say, it’s there for good.
It only dawns on me now, Benedict hasn’t even checked in to see how Bentley or I are doing. The last communication between us was when I landed. I texted him a quick we made it, to get a thumbs-up response. Not even an ‘How was Bentley on the flight?’.
I excuse myself to a quieter part of the yard and dial Benedict’s number. It rings out as I tap my foot impatiently until it goes to voicemail. I redial the number, my frustration growing while the seconds pass.
“Jessa,” he answers coldly. “I’m in the middle of something.”
“Can you please talk to me, just for a few minutes?”
“I’m with people.” I hear the grit in his voice. “Can this wait?”
“No,” I choke, clutching my stomach, willing the guilt consuming me to admit the truth finally. “I need to talk now.”
“Listen to me. I can’t talk. You chose to go with your family. Now I’m with mine. Whatever you need to discuss with me, can wait for a more appropriate time.”
And just like that, the call ends.
I shake my head in anger, then storm toward the kitchen where Mom and Kate are cleaning up.
“I need to go do something,” I tell them with my hands clenched into fists and arms straight. “Bentley is—”
“Honey, go do whatever you need to do. Kate and I are here to take care of him, okay?”
With a sharp intake of breath, I nod, though unable to string a sentence together, let alone say thank you. My head is rampant with thoughts and emotions, all screaming for attention and causing my heart to race abnormally.
“Jessa,” Kate calls softly. “Take all night if you need, no judgment from us.”
