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One
“You should come with us to Beth Elohim, Sho.”Shoshana Goldman rolled her eyes at her car’s dash as the voicemail played through her speakers. It was rare that her friends asked her to go to services, because they knew she was going to say no.
It still happened once every few months, though. It was a tradition. They asked, she came up with a new reason why she couldn’t, they pretended to believe her.
She supposed she didn’t really need a reason outside of “I have no desire to sit through Rabbi Lefkowich wheezing his way through the Friday prayer service” but that felt too obvious. Leah was still talking on the voicemail message, though.
“There’s a new rabbi. Abigail says all the women are calling him Rabbi Sexy-Pants.”
Shoshana laughed out loud and parked the car so she could listen to the message again. It didn’t get less funny the second time through. She ignored the cars passing her--downtown was only about five blocks, she probably should have pulled into an actual parking space and not the shoulder of the road.
Oh well, people would deal. Her car was small, it was a Wednesday morning, and this wasn’t exactly rush hour traffic. They could go around. She pressed a few buttons on the dash’s computer screen, returning the call.
“I swear to God, Shoshana,” her friend said as soon as she picked up the phone, “the old ladies call him rabbi sexy-pants. I didn’t believe it either, so I asked Evelyn. It’s totally true.”
“There is no way all the bubbes are calling this guy that,” Shoshana said, unable to even say it with a straight face. “Come on, Leah. You have to do better than that.”
“May God strike me dead. Abi asked me to make something for the oneg this Friday night, it’s supposed to be a kind of unofficial welcome or something,” Leah said seriously. Shoshana could hear conversation and the sounds of clinking dishware in the background; her friend must be at work. Leah ran the only coffee shop in town that was worth a damn.
“Just because you’re making something doesn’t mean you have to go to services. Are you catering too?” Shoshana could count on her hand the number of times she’d darkened the doors of Beth Elohim since she graduated college. She wondered if they’d ever bothered to replace the ratty shag carpet in the balcony. The teenagers were the only ones whoever used it anyway. And the choir, during the holidays.
“Oh. Shit no, Abigail knows better than to ask for that. But I can make a few trays of chocolate babka and bring some coffee beans.” Leah said something else, but it was muffled and there was a pinging sound that Shoshana knew would be the antique cash register. She must be talking to a customer. Shoshana signaled to pull back onto the street. She may as well keep driving if they were going to continue to talk about this. After a few moments Leah spoke again. “Listen, I’m not saying it's better to hear the word of God from a hot rabbi, but I figure it makes things a little more interesting, right?”
“You are a terrible human being,” Shoshana said, laughing. “I didn’t even know they were looking for a new guy. What happened to Sidney Lefkowich?”
“Apparently he gave the board his intention to retire six months ago. They’ve been auditioning new rabbis since Tu B’shvat. You’d know this if you read the newsletters.”
“Did you know?” Shoshanah’s disinterest in the goings-on at the local shul was well documented, but she was a little surprised Leah seemed to be behind on digesting new information.
“I knew they were auditioning people, but I kinda thought it was going to be a support thing and Sidney would hang around for a few years. But he’s fucking off to Arizona, something about scratching the dirt with his grandkids.”
“I guess that makes sense,” she said mildly. She couldn’t think what else there was to do in Arizona.
“Sho, you have to come, though,” Leah said, something close to an actual whine in her voice.
Shoshana flicked her bangs out of her eyes with one finger and adjusted her sunglasses. This was the Leah she was used to. Fun, but wheedling if she didn’t get her way. She smirked at herself in the rear-view mirror before she said, “Remind me why I have to?”
“Because I refuse to lose another bet to my sister. If you don’t show up, I owe Abi twenty bucks.”
“You bet--”
“No,Abibet,” Leah said. Shoshana could practically hear her stamping her foot. “I just shook on it. Come on, it’ll be fun. You can scandalize the bubbe brigade and Abigail can introduce you to the preschool kids who aren’t awful.”
“Leah--”
“Rabbi. Sexy. Pants.”
“Ugh, okay fine. But you don’t get to ask me to do anything else for a month,” Shoshana said, knowing it was useless to keep trying to fight it. Leah made some noises that could have been an agreement. They could also have been harrumphs of sarcasm, but Shoshana wasn’t done yet. “You’re buying me dinner after, and I get to keep the twenty bucks.”
* * *
The shriek of a child’s laughter ripped through the quiet calm of the sanctuary and David smiled down at the Torah, losing his place for a moment. He glanced from the scroll in front of him on the lectern to the photocopied page from the Tanakh. There it was, that was the starting place for tonight’s portion. He pulled a small, bright orange triangular post-it pad from his pocket and made a note with his pen.
“Tateh!” the little girl's voice ripped through the sanctuary again and he looked up in time to see a small, tow-headed child plow through the doors, her wispy curls flying in all directions. She was headed to the bimah at a dead run, short legs pumping hard. He glanced behind her, there was a barrel-shaped woman hot on her heels. He bit back a grin and stepped away from the lectern, walking to the edge of the short stage of the bimah to scoop the child up before she could take flight.
“Who’s done with preschool already, today? Did Miss Kathy say you could run screaming through the shul like a hooligan?” he said, allowing the little girl to wrap her arms around his neck. He caught the eye of the stern looking woman and smiled to show it was alright. Her expression didn’t change. David tried not to laugh.
“Tah-tee!” the little girl said, her laughter making her gasp. David blew a raspberry against the side of her neck and she squealed with delight. Her hands flailed and one of her little fists narrowly missed his jaw.
