AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“That,” she said, gesturing uselessly at his body, “like that. Don’t do that.”
“You’re going to have to tell me what I’m doing so I can stop,” he said, in a tone that was perfectly, maddeningly reasonable. He reached to touch her but stopped halfway. She stared at those fingers, transfixed. When next he spoke, her breath caught. “Please tell me what’s wrong so that I can help.”
She remembered to tell Leah that forgetting lipstick was the absolute best decision of her life. If she’d been wearing the shade of Midnight Mauve Leah had tried to shove off on her, it would be smeared all over the bottom half of her face and his. Instead, she just felt the tingling that was the feel of a man’s freshly shaven cheek against her skin. She was so annoyed with him for being so great, it was an almost physical ache in her hands.
“Why did you have to not suck so hard?” she said, wiping a hand over her mouth because her lips were still tingling from that amazing, soul bending kiss.
“I--don’t know how to answer that,” he said carefully. “What is it about going on a date with me that’s got you so freaked out? Itisthe dating thing, isn’t it? Because when we talk, you’re not upset. When we--”
“Yeah, kissing you is great,” she said darkly, shoving her hands into the tangle of waves that was her hair and lifting it off her neck. “I could definitely do that all night.”
“I assumed as much when you suggested the sex. I only want to understand,” he said. His tone was playful, but his eyes were still serious. Kind, even.
Something inside her loosened the tiniest bit. But the rest of her was still so tight her muscles felt like rock. She should turn around and walk away. She should forget she’d ever met this man and his fine bones and his witty banter and his sense of humor and his raw silk skin and, and--she couldn’t think what else but that was good because she should forget it anyway. She bit her lip hard and shook her head because she couldn’t speak. The prick of tears caught her off guard and she squeezed her eyes shut, fingers pressing against the center of her forehead as though that would stop them falling. She didn’t know how to put into words the emotions that were tumbling through her too quickly to digest.
“Would you rather we just take a walk? It’s not supposed to storm for a few hours yet.” He gestured to the sidewalk on the other side of the hedge.
He was trying so hard, damn him, and she wanted to give in. Shedid. It would feel so good to let him lead her inside and to sit with menus like a normal couple and banter and flirt and hold hands and let everybody see them together like it was no big deal. Like they did this kind of thing every day. Like it didn’t matter.
“If we do this,” she said, working to get her breathing under control because the last thing she wanted to do was hyperventilate, “If we go in there, we’re on a date.”
“That was the general idea. Why would that be bad? Is it because of me?” he said, and she marveled at his patience. If the situation was reversed, she wasn’t sure she would be nearly so understanding.
“No,” she said, fast, because it was true, “no, it’s because of me.”
There was nothing wrong with him and she wanted that clear. She didn’t want him to think for a second that he was the problem here.
“Ah,” he said, though his face said she’d done nothing to help him understand the situation.
“I’m--wrong. For you, I mean. I’m all wrong. It’s not fair. You deserve someone better than me.” The problem was she had no idea how to explain this. She never talked about any of this. Not ever. It was just an understood thing. To have to explain it was confusing because how to explain something so obvious? It felt redundant. It felt freeing. It felt as though she was exposing the most private parts of herself.
“We’re just having dinner,” he said quietly. Sensibly.
She winced, because he was right but also because he still wasn’t understanding.
“Is it really just dinner?” she said, biting her lower lip as though to call back that hurried, amazing kiss. “If we do this, we’re going to do this. And I want that--I do. I really,reallywant to be with you.”
He opened his mouth to say something and she put up a hand, this time her fingers touched his lips. He caught her arm, holding her hand against his mouth and she closed her eyes because it felt right. Too right.
“Everyone is going to have an opinion on this,” she said, her tone as gentle as she could make it, her fingers tracing a path along his jaw because if she was going to be touching him she had to keep touching him. “And I’ve been going out of my way to stay away from Beth Elohim for a really, really long time.”
“I don’t remember anything in my contract about who I was allowed to date,” he said. The furrow in his brow deepened.
“Oh, they want you to date,” she said, laughing in spite of herself, “There’s probably a list somewhere of eligible women.”
“I’m sure there is. I would prefer to make my own decision,” he said. His tone said she should remember they had already discussed his thoughts on the tendency of the women of the temple to try their hands at matchmaking and he was over it.
“So, you’re choosing me?” She couldn’t help the ironic lift to her shoulder or the touch of sarcasm in her voice that would have soured anyone else. Maybe she did it on purpose, that challenge.
Maybe she was trying to push him away. If he wouldn’t let her make this physical, if he insisted on being a gentleman, then maybe it was better to make him think she was a bitch.
“Stop,” David said, and the tone of his voice made her breath catch. He reached for her, slowly, deliberately taking her hands. She forgot how to breathe for a moment, caught in the way he lifted her hands, turned them over to inspect her palms. She fought the urge to ball them into fists.
She wasn’t particularly self-conscious about her hands, but she did work with them. They were not the smooth, delicate hands of a lady of leisure. Or even an administrative assistant. She had the calloused hands of a laborer. An artisan. He ran his thumb over a callous on the side of her first finger. She had to breathe, or her lungs would explode.
Shoshana opened her mouth to say his name, but she wasn’t breathing so she couldn’t speak. Besides, the look on his face said he wasn’t ready for her to say anything more yet. She took a shallow breath because her lungs were burning for air. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d responded like this to another person. Maybe never.
Probably never, her mind reasoned, because when she made the decision to step away from Beth Elohim, she’d gone out of her way to avoid the community entirely. Except Abi and Leah, of course, but that was because there was no ignoring Abi and Leah when they were intent on being noticed.
