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“Are you going to tell me what’s up or are you going to make me guess?” Shoshana said, taking a sip of the slushie. Chris grunted, his attention on unloading the food.
“You never could chill, you realize that?” Chris said, giving her a pointed, but amused look as he pulled the sleeves of his long sleeve tee shirt up his forearms. Shoshana raised her hand in surrender, and he laughed before saying, “I’m checking on you.”
“Why? I’m fine,” she said, accepting a cardboard tray of potato wedges and a little container of ketchup.
“Now, see that’s pure lies and deceit. Don’t act like I haven’t known you for twelve years, ‘Shana,” Chris said. He took a bite of a celery stalk and put the clamshell container of hot wings on the table between them.
“Okay, since you asked, I’m a functioning train wreck. Don’t tell Bax I said that. Also, is that new ink?” Shoshana said. She turned her head to examine one of the intricate grayscale pictures on his dark skin.
“Yeah, it’s a few months old. He’s worried you hate him, you know,” Chris said pointedly, slurping his own drink. Shoshana opened her mouth to protest and he waved a hand to cut her off. “I know, I know, that’s his shit. But I did want to check in. You know you’re family, right?”
“Chris,” Shoshana said, feeling overcome with emotion. She wasn’t sure why people were suddenly coming out of the woodwork to tell her they cared. Well, that wasn’t quite right, she knew it was because she was actually working to be around people where she hadn’t before. But it was still overwhelming, because it made her realize how focused she’d been on herself for so long. Or maybe they had always been willing to let her know these things and she’d never noticed because, again, she’d been stuck on herself. Thoughts like that made her head hurt and she couldn’t think them for too long. Thankfully, Chris was still talking.
“I wanted to tell you, I’m the reason he didn’t say anything sooner,” Chris said, tugging uncomfortably on the thick leather cuff he wore at his wrist. “I didn’t want you thinking he was hiding something from you, cause that’s not it.”
“Why didn’t you want me to know? I figured there was a good reason, but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t hurt,” Shoshana said, picking up one of the hot wings and keeping her voice as neutral as possible. Chris had gotten them extra spicy and she appreciated his forethought.
In some ways, Chris and Baxter were a very odd couple--for instance, Baxter couldn’t handle anything more than cracked pepper and lemon as a spice blend, whereas Chris preferred his food to taste like a kind of dare. Bax’s clothes looked like a jumble sale from the set of Dark Shadows. Chris liked streetwear. Baxter would rather die than break a sweat, Chris supplemented his writing career as a personal trainer. They worked, though, for the most part. And Shoshana had considered Chris a friend, he may not be a best friend like Bax, but he was certainly someone she thought she could count on--and she had before.
“Okay, don’t look at me like that,” he said, putting a hand theatrically to his chest. “For real, I can’t take the eyes.”
“Then you should probably explain, huh?” she said. She laughed because she knew she was supposed to, but also because she had to do something. She wasn’t going to lie and say it was fine when it wasn’t.
“It wasn’t because of you,” Chris said quickly, slurping his drink again. She suspected he was doing it so he could fill the silence. He took a moment, seeming to consider his words carefully. “You know how he is, right? I thought if he told you as soon as we started talking about it, and he had more time to see you upset about it, he’d change his mind. Not cause he didn’t want to do it, cause he thought he had to take care of you.”
“Huh,” Shoshana said, because she could see that happening, if she stopped to think about it. Baxter’s need to take care of people was one of his better personality traits, but it could also be his biggest flaw. David had been perceptive to pick up on it so quickly.
“Hewantedto tell you. We’ve been having words about that, not gonna lie,” Chris said, talking faster now. He ran a hand over his close-cropped hair.
“Is this what Leah was talking about?” Shoshana said, having a sudden flash of insight, “The other day she said Baxter was going through some stuff. I thought she just meant the usual, but was it this? Did Leah and Abi know?”
The miserable look on his face said it all.
“Christopher,” Shoshana said, more annoyed than hurt, “What the fuck? Leah and Abi got to know about thishugething in you guys’ life, but I wasn’t allowed?”
“Things have been so good,” he said, his tone wretched. He put his drink back on the table and wiped his hands on his thighs. “I swear it wasn’tyou, Sho, it was--”
“Right, right, it was Baxter thinking I couldn’t handle reality,” Shoshana said, tossing her napkin on the table. “Does everybody just think that I have the emotional maturity of a six-year-old or something? What, like I was going to throw a tantrum because I didn’t want to lose a friend instead of being stoked for you two because this is a great opportunity and you’re going to be fantastic at it? Who the fuck do you think I am, Chris?”
“You have every right to be upset right now, but I need for you to remember that we are your friends,” Chris said. His voice was calm, but his face said that he wasn’t going to let Shoshana say whatever she wanted, no matter how angry she was.
She made a show of sitting back and taking a deep breath.
He watched her for a long moment, then grunted, turning back to the food in front of him. He glanced at her before saying, “You know why we used to break up all the time, right?”
“I mean, Bax just said it was private and I didn’t want to pressure him,” she said. She didn’t bother saying that he was usually such an open person with her that if he held something back there was a good reason. She winced, realizing that she was being hypocritical to be upset about this now.
“He’s always all in,” Chris said, “and that’s cool. It can be pretty great, you know. But when you’re a person’s world, it can be a lot.”
“Feels a little stifling?” Shoshana guessed, because she did understand to an extent. In the early part of their friendship--when they were in college and Bax hadn’t been dating anyone--she’d been on the receiving end of all that attention in a platonic way.
“Well...” Chris shifted on his rolling stool, fiddling with the straw on his drink. “I thought the last time was it, right? I couldn’t take it, not cause I didn’t love him, just because it’s not fair to him. I even told him that. He deserves to have a life that’s not justme.”
“That’s healthy,” Shoshana said. “Though for the record, you also deserve those things.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to break up again. And neither does he. So, we’ve been seeing this lady and ithashelped a lot. And then this opportunity came up. I shouldn’t have put that on him. Telling him not to tell you. I just know how he can be, and I was scared--”
“Chris, Idoget it,” she said, putting a hand over his on the table. “I mean, I hate that you felt like you had to sneak around, but I get why you did it. Honestly you were probably right. My first instinct when he told me was to lose my shit, but I didn’t do it. That’s not fair, you know? This is a happy thing for you guys.”
