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I knew that we had a child together.
And as much as I'd fantasized about what it might have been like to have him in our lives, the reality of that was a terrifying prospect. I had no idea what kind of man he was. My first contact with him in six years had put me in the hospital, so that certainly wasn't a point in favor of letting him into Makayla's life.
And another worry had started to surface, as well. The nurse had made it seem like he'd thrown his weight, and his apparently substantial wallet, around to arrange this room. She'd mentioned how rich he was. So, he was wealthy, and he liked to get his way.
What if he found out about Makayla and decided to take her away from me? Someone rich, and probably connected, could make all kinds of arguments in favor of themselves as the superior parent. And could afford lawyers who would make those arguments as compelling as possible. Maybe even bribes to the judge and whoever else might be able to sway the case.
No, my initial assessment had been correct. Not only should I not take any more of his money or help, I should try to get myself out of his life as soon as possible. My relationship with my daughter was at stake.
EIGHT
CASSIUS
I stood in the hospital hallway, at a loss for what to do now. All I wanted to do was go back into the room and apologize again, to keep apologizing until I was sure she believed me. She had looked so pitiful, lying there unconscious for the past sixteen hours. The doctors had assured me that she wasn't in a coma, but rather her body was just exhausted from the physical trauma. Trauma that I'd caused. I felt a hot wave of shame rise up once again, followed closely by anger at myself. I took a deep breath. Anger was what got me into this mess. Losing my cool, especially in the middle of a hospital hallway, was the last thing I needed to do.
I thought I'd be relieved when she woke up, but if anything, I felt worse. The way she had reacted to me... It was almost like she was afraid. Like even before she knew the accident was my fault, she instinctively shrank away from me. Her heart rate had spiked, for god's sake. And once she'd had a chance to gain her bearings, she'd made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. I had hoped paying the bills and getting her a nice room and offering to pay for the car would redeem me a little in her eyes, but that apparently wasn't the case.
I started walking, with a vague idea of leaving the hospital and going for a drive. Then I remembered that my car had been towed to the shop, and I hadn't been back home to get another. I hadn't left the hospital all night. Even beyond the guilt, looking at this woman I felt a strong compulsion to take care of her. I wanted to be a source of help and comfort, not distress. Something about her made me want to draw close to her. Which made it that much worse that she only seemed to want to push me away.
I made it to the hospital doors and went outside. This was the main entrance, not the emergency room doors we'd entered through last night. There were some trees and a few benches around, and I sat on one of the benches. It was a bright, cloudless day that still held the chill of oncoming autumn. Like the trees I'd seen on my drive yesterday, the trees here had already started turning fall colors. I watched the wind ruffle the leaves of the nearest tree and thought about how yesterday driving through the park, I'd been in such a bad mood for what now seemed like the silliest reasons.
I suddenly had a strange feeling, as if I'd just almost remembered something. I frowned and tried to catch the glimmer of thought that had appeared in my mind. Something about the drive yesterday, and leaves turning colors in the fall, and autumn sunlight... sunlight glinting... And for some reason, something to do with the woman back upstairs in the hospital. It felt as if I had almost remembered something about her, which was absurd. We'd never met before. I grasped at the thought, suddenly feeling as though it was very important...
My phone rang, making me jump, and causing whatever the thought was to disappear. I sighed and looked down to see who it was. I saw Scott's name and for the first time that day, thought about the rest of my life. I thought about ignoring the call, but I decided it was best to answer. He was probably wondering where I was.
"Hello," I said, and my voice sounded weaker than I'd expected.
"Cassius?" Scott replied, his voice full of questions.
"Yeah, of course. You called me, so you know it is." That had come out snappier than I'd meant. I suddenly felt exhausted.
"Yeah, I know it's you. But where are you?" Scott asked.
"What do you mean, where am I? I'm..." I trailed off. It was actually a reasonable question. I wasn't where I usually was. But Scott didn't know that.
"I mean, we were going to have lunch and talk over strategy for the meeting next week?"
Oh, right. Work. Another thing I hadn't thought about since last night.
"Oh, god. I'm sorry. I actually... We'll have to reschedule, Scott. I had a bit of an... accident."
There was a pause, and then Scott said, "What, like a car accident?"
"Um, yeah. I guess. I mean, yes. It was a car accident. I'm actually still at the hospital, so..."
"What hospital?" he interrupted. I told him the name. "That's not far. I'll be there soon."
"You don't have to come. I actually got discharged already."
"You got a ride home?"
"No, I..." I paused again.No, I'm not going home. Michelle cheated on me.
"Then I'll give you a ride. Be there soon." He hung up. I stared at the phone and realized it was probably strange that I hadn't called him. The concern in his voice had been palpable. I hadn't been thinking about anyone being worried about me. I was worried about the woman upstairs.
Scott arrived within ten minutes. I saw him park and get out, heading for the doors, and called out to him.
"Scott!" I waved, and he changed course. He came over to the bench and frowned.
