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Nathan supposes he can understand that. It's sort of the same for him - that moment when he has to accept that the boy isn't actually his and step away.
“Maybe there's a way to ease you out of that headspace, like how we ease you into it. Maybe it wouldn't hit so hard then?"
“What do you have in mind?”
Nathan laughs softly. “No fucking idea. But I’ll think of something. I always do, don’t I?”
“Yeah, you do.” The boy smiles. It's reluctant, but Nathan will take it.
And now that they've gotten past that necessary conversation, they can move on to the good stuff. "I spoke to Benny just before you woke up."
Carter smacks a hand against his shoulder - not hard enough to be full strength, but not light enough to be playful either. "Fucking lead with that next time!"
“I felt it was important for us to decompress first.”
“Well?” he asks, clearly too impatient for news to engage in an argument over Nathan's stalling. "What'd he say? Is Casey okay? Are they on their way back? Does he think Casey will make it? Did he-"
“Carter, hey, slow down." Nathan puts a hand up. "You've had a long night. Don't work yourself up."
“Nathan, fucking tell me If he’s okay!” the boy shouts.
“He’s okay!” Nathan shouts back. He immediately regrets the raised voice, even though Carter doesn't seem affected. He makes sure to soften his tone before allowing himself to continue. "He's okay for now, but he's not out of the woods yet, alright? You have to keep that in mind. I don't want you getting your hopes up. He's still in rough shape."
“When will he be here?”
“They’re coming tonight. You'll be able to see him tomorrow." He sighs, fairly certain Benny was right about Carter not seeing Casey. He's also pretty sure he's right about not being able to tell Carter no.
But that's not a problem for now. It's a problem for morning.Does it make Nathan a total coward for putting that conversation off? Definitely. Does he fucking care?Definitely not.
Time for distraction. “Actually, if you’re feeling up to it, I was hoping to show you something?”
Carter eyes him suspiciously. “What is it?”
“It’s what keeps me going.” Nathan laughs softly, mostly at himself. “Hell, it’s my fucking lifeline. Or, it was…”
Thebefore youis unspoken, but he can tell by the way Carter looks away in shame that he understands. “Okay.”
When Nathan gets off the bed, Carter follows. He fidgets when he realizes Nathan had dressed him in sweats and a shirt. He starts to pull the shirt off, but Nathan stops him with an outstretched hand. “You don’t need to undress. The thing I want to show you is in here.”
“Oh.” Carter flushes before quickly turning his back to him. “Alright, then.”
He hears Nathan's soft footsteps as he pads towards the closet. His curiosity gets the best of him, dragging his attention until he's giving into temptation and following. The closet is hard for him. It's a place of complicated emotions. Almost as much as the bed. The closet was the first safe place Carter had managed to find, after the second night with Nathan. It had also earned him his first punishment. It was where he got to help sir get dressed, help pick out shoes and ties, making himself useful in ways that didn't make him feel dirty or used. It was also where he had to sit, useless, as sir taught him his new rules before their first party together.
It was where he ran after he found out the truth, staying until he realized he had accidentally made himself a brand-new cell.
Carter lingers in the doorway, unable to take the step inside. Nathan glances at him, something akin to surprise lighting in his eyes, but then he turns away and lowers himself to the floor. He removes the 5 pairs of shoes on the lowest shelf in the left corner. Then he jerks the slab of wood, and it's suddenly coming right out of the wall. He repeats the process with the shelf above. Then he's reaching inside and pressing his thumb to a sensor on a safe. It lights up and beeps. He types in a code. It beeps again, then makes a series of clicking sounds.
He starts to pull things out. Files. More files.So many files.Guns. Knives. Passports. Cash in multiple currencies. A burner phone. A USB. Another file. Another. Another. One more.
He sits back, sighing. Carter notices that he placed all the files to one side, everything else to the other. He gets a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he's not going to like whatever is in them.
Nathan rifles through, reading the labeled tabs, before offering Carter a file. Carter swallows hard before taking a step forward. It gets easier with each step into the closet. By the time he's accepting the file, he's breathing easy.
The label has a name written on it. And a number.Bryce Jacobson. 7.3.
Carter opens up the file. Then his breathing is not so easy anymore. He's not sure if his legs give out or if he makes a subconscious decision to sit, but he ends up on the floor somehow.
“Just like the file on Gabe,” he says, looking up at Nathan.
