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“I am not. I would do no such thing.”
“You can put on your posh voice all you want. I know what you’re doing. It’s easier for you to settle into this life and this world because it’s better than facing the hard truth you have locked away in that head of yours. You’re hiding. The problem with hiding ...”
“Eventually you will be found. Yeah, I know. What if what’s hidden is worse than what I have going right now?”
“What if it’s not? What if it’s better than anything you could ever imagine?” She’s quiet for a beat then she’s speaking again. “Um, did you ever figure out what those letters from that caller meant?”
I cross River Street heading towards E. Bay Street. I’m in the mood for a walk. I figure it might help me clear out some of the darker parts of my mind. That is until she brings up yet another confusing clue in my world.
“No. I have no clue what it means. Why do you ask?”
The next sound she makes is even more confusing. She sounds upset. That’s out of character for her.
“No reason. Dr. Brown stated you mentioned an assistant and havinghertake care of paying the doctor. I was wondering if that was connected to that in any way or if you were just trying to be funny.”
I hadn’t even realized I’d said that.
“I don’t know why I said it. I guess I was taking my posh personality to another level. I’ll be there shortly. I’m thinking of stopping in at Leopold’s, did you want anything?”
“Nah. I’m good. I’ll see you soon. We can talk about setting you up with another psycholo ...”
“Sorry. You’re breaking up.” I smile as I increase the volume so I’m louder than Noelle. “If you can hear me, I’ll talk to you later. I’m going to hang up now.”
“Cute. Very cute. You’re so funny. I’ll see you soon and Ms. Shaw, we will talk. Bye for now, Ms. Hilarious.”
Laughing, I end the call and continue towards my destination. As I’m walking up E. Congress Lane, a flash of pressure hits. My head feels like it’s ready to explode. A memory of two women. The women don’t seem happy. I recognize them. The two are arguing. It’s my mother and my grandmother. Whatever they are upset about bothers me. I don’t feel so good.
My heart aches as I think of the pain of it. They gesture to where a younger version of me sits. I see the reflection of the pain I’m feeling in the window. Tears prick my eyes as I clearly see that little girl’s hurt and recall how bad that day was.
Just as quickly as the memory comes is as quickly as it fades away. My breathing increases and my heart rate accelerates. I lean against the closest thing I can find. It’s a streetlight. I count down from five. Visualizing the chart I was made to memorize, I begin to walk myself through the steps.
Five things I see. Five things: a streetlight, people, bikes, shoes, and cars. Four things I can feel. Um, I can feel metal, gravity, wind, and tears. Three things I can ... hear. I can hear construction, cars honking, and shoes on the ground. Um ... two. Two things I can smell are something sweet and bacon. What was the last thing? See, feel, hear, smell, and ... taste. One thing I can taste is the mint from the gum I put in my mouth after I left the park earlier.
I take a deep breath and wait for my heart to stop trying to jump out of my chest. Now I must decide if I want to go straight to HFH or contact my family to find out what’s pieces I’m missing. Again, another puzzle piece has dropped into my lap, and it looks nothing like the picture I’ve already put together.
Chapter 5
JAXSON
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Savannah, GA April 12– Wednesday morning
A fan once asked me what’s my favorite color. At the time, it was a hard question to answer. I never really had one growing up. At one time, I favored blue because it was the main color purchased for me. I thought it was suitable for my taste. The darker the blue, the better. It seemed to fit my personality. I’ve always had a darker, more dangerous side. It’s the side that caused my parents and siblings to worry about me.
