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If the teenage me could look forward see the woman I became, maybe she wouldn’t have been so afraid of the future. Setting a timer, I start the process of getting ready. I set up my own challenge round with certain tasks. If I hit my timed goal and complete the items on the list, I create in the morning then I’m able to treat myself to something. I also put my chosen treat on the list. I start my list.
Nineteen minutes later, I see I beat my timer.
“YES!” I do a low cheer and give myself a high five.
My hair is straightened. I have a button down, large collar shirt with my sleeves folded over to the elbows. I decided on a flowy, copper toned, ankle-length skirt with black, closed-toe heels. The heels have a cute, sunburst like design from the toe to the thin strap that wraps around my ankle.
“Looking good. Are you trying to seduce the new therapist?” Journee asks as she settles in on one of the stools at the kitchen counter.
I don’t expect to see her downstairs when I come down, so I’m startled when she begins to speak. It’s a rare occasion to find her inside. She usually sits in the sunroom which is right off the kitchen. Considering I wasn’t expecting her to be home, I shouldn’t be surprised she’s in a different place.
The sky is starting to darken as the clouds shift. That probably has something to do with her change of location.
“Um, I don’t have a therapy appointment today. I’m on my way to the office.”
“The office? Is that what we’re calling Hope House now? Wait, is there an event I’ve forgotten about? I was planning on wearing mySpongeBobscrubs today because we have kiddos coming in today.”
I hear the panic in her voice and rush to calm her
“I’m going to the office I didn’t know I had until two phone calls that changed the trajectory of my morning happened. We have so much to talk about, but I have to go. Evidently, my offices are expanding, and I have papers to sign. How did this become my life?”
I leave my friend, speechless, in our kitchen, as I snag a breakfast bar and rush out the door to the meeting.
Two hours later, I’m leaving a conference room and being led to my office. Upon entering, there’s no doubt in my mind this is my office.
“I made sure it was a replica of your other office. We didn’t think you’d want anything to change. Creature of habit that you are. Um, I’ll leave you to get reacquainted with your space. please let me know if you need anything from me.”
The kind young woman with dark blonde waves that dance around her shoulders as she speaks nods, taps her ever-present clipboard, then steps out of the door. She closes it behind her.
Taking in my office, I notice a miniatureSquishmallowtoy on the black glass tabletop of my desk. I have a collection of these at home. TheRenne Coffeeis sitting on the corner of the couch in my office. I sawPaislynn Pumpkin Spice Lattein the corner of Paislynn’s bookshelf. If ever I wondered if this was my office that along with the black, white and pink design would tell me.
Everything outside of this space has the yellow Moonbeam logo color accenting it. The black, white, and wood is carried throughout. Pops of color in the various therapy rooms give off a different vibe as a person enters. I love the artistic way the lobby area bleads into the wall-less store that offers sandwiches and beverages for next to nothing. Paislynn said the display cases that are in the waiting area and strategically placed around the building were a genius idea. Apparently, that was mine. It drives the patients to stop in the store before they leave.
It's more than I could’ve ever imagined. I remember wanting to do this. I had notes and drawings about what a space like this would look like. Seeing it live and in living color is mind blowing. I spin around in my chair as I look at all that is mine. Three of my walls are half wall, half windows so I have a panoramic view of Savannah.
How did I get so fortunate to have this? Today, I added the second and third floors of the building to my offices. My mother was in on conference call. Paislynn had me sign some papers that had my mother’s signature on them. I have a copy of those papers and other files to review at my leisure. Still, I have questions.
I truly want to know how all of this happened. Nothing is clicking together. That puts a huge damper on the feeling of joy I just had. I need to go somewhere familiar. Home.
When I arrive home a little later, I’m all alone. I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. This feels good. I know this place. Taking a seat at the kitchen table, I see a note on top of one of the folders Paislynn handed me.
I have a decision to make. It’s my office. I’m the owner but I haven’t been there. I need to decide if I’m ready to take back the reigns or hand them over. The top name on the list is the one name I shouldn’t have been surprised to see.
My mother’s. Do I want to go to a place where I know no one but it’s everything I’ve ever wanted? a place that might lead to some of the answers I’ve been claiming to want. Or do I want to remain in the comfort of the place I know and remember well? Remaining in blissful ignorance of the time I’ve lost, never recalling what caused the physical and emotional scars.
Decisions. Decisions.
