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“That day quickly shifted. Daire gets a phone call that takes him from the fun. That darkens the light of the day. It’s like he’s the thread that gets pulled to ruin the sweater. The group slowly goes their separate ways. I was left with my best friends at the time. Cynt, Cynthia Matthews, Nee, Sabrina Renee, and Nee’s guy who also happened to be Daire’s best friend, Ryder Dean. They went with me to the hospital. All remained with me after as well.”
“It sounds like you had a good group with you. The way you say their names, it’s full of love.”
“They were the best. I loved being with them. They were my safe place. Life at home with ... it was different. Anyway. I got really bad news at the worst time in my life. It was a very lonely time for me. By the time Daire made it to the hospital I wasn’t receptive to his news. What started out as me sharing a piece of the hell I’d gone through while he was gone became so much larger.”
Journee shifts so she can see my face.
“What happened? What did you do?”
I can’t look at her. I’ve been carrying this around with me for years and not many know what I’m about to share with her.
“I gave him what he wanted. By not telling him everything, he was able to do exactly what he needed to do.”
“What?”
“He wanted to go off and be the famous race car driver like his idol Colton Donovan.”
“There was more that happened to you that day. Things you didn’t tell him because you knew he wouldn’t go.”
“Oh, he was going regardless. Nothing I said would’ve changed that.”
Journee shifts again so she can stand. She grabs her ice cream then takes it to the kitchen. When she returns, she has her thinking face on.
“How do you know he wouldn’t have changed his course of action if you never gave him the option or all the information?”
“Believe me, I know. His choice was made well before that moment. That was something he’d been dreaming of for years. It was ... his way out.”
My voice is small by the end. That time was so much more. I have a feeling Journee knows it. Just like I knew it then.
“Have you talk to him about any of this? BTW, I was totally wrong on the Hope front. I have a feeling this isn’t over between you and Mr. Shaw.”
“You’d be wrong there. He’s super pissed at me right now. As much as I love you, I don’t think any of your enthusiasm is going to change that.”
“Why does it seem like there is more to the story that I don’t know?”
“That’s because there is. I might’ve gone to his office today to confront him only to accuse him of leaving me. To which, he responded by clearly advising me that I’m to blame for our breakup. That it rests solely on my shoulders. I feel like that’s being a little excessive.”
Journee makes a face that says she agrees with his assessment of the situation.
“Hey! You’re supposed to be my friend.”
“I am. I’m one of your biggest fans. Since I am your friend, I’m more than willing to point out when you’re wrong.”
Grabbing my chest, I fall back into the couch.
“You’re kidding me, right?”
She shakes her head back and forth.
“Let me ask you a question. You have to answer honestly.”
I nod my head.
“Okay. What’s the question?”
“If you had the chance to do it over again, would you do the same thing? Would you make the exact same choices you made before?”
Well, that just takes the cake. Why’d she have to put it that way? That will go down in my history book as one of my greatest regrets.
