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“Fine. I'll tell you this much. You came to live here with me because you didn't have a home back in Hampton. It was decided that this was the best thing for you.”
That tidbit is new.
“Who decided? Why was it the best thing for me? What happened”
She waves her hands and shakes her head before replying.
“Brooklynn honey, I don't know if this is a good idea.”
“Yeah. What's not a good idea? The two of us talking? I feel like people in my life are keeping something from me as a way of protecting me. The issue with that is it's having the opposite effect. I'm getting more and more frustrated because I can't figure out the pieces and how it all fits together. Something happened. I know something happened. My friend looks like she's just waiting for me to figure it out so she can finally say ‘YES’ then congratulate me for finally clueing in. It's so aggravating. I'm being told that maybe I should talk to you, but you don't want to talk. What am I missing?”
My mother groans. I don't think I've ever heard her groan before,
“Brooklynn, look at me. Look at my face and understand my words. If I could tell you what you want to hear, then I would. I can't. Everything that has happened is already in your head. You know it. These ‘pieces’ you keep going on about, they're missing because you want them to be missing. You were the one who shut it off. Your brain closed that down. I don't know if it's to protect you or to keep you clueless or what. I just know it's there.” My mother stands then walks towards the opposite doorway before she looks back at me. “There is nothing I can do about it. I can't keep doing this. I stopped ... I'm trying. That's all I'm saying. I'm trying to do right by you, but I can't keep having you attack me the way you have been. This is not my fault. I'm sorry. It's just not. It's not only me. Not this time. As I said in my letter, when you're ready to talk, I’m here. There are some meetings I need to get ready for so you can let yourself out.”
Her orang sundress billows behind her. I don’t immediately move. I stand there shocked by what she just said. I watch as she walks to the room she calls her “receiving area”. After a few minutes, I do as she asks. I let myself out. The hope that this confusion would be over has been destroyed. I replay the conversation in my head the entire way home. I try to make it make sense, but it doesn’t.
When I get home, I check on Journee and some things at M.R.C. then I head to my room. I study some things in my journal before calling it a night.
That night, I go to bed one version of Brooklynn and wake up another.
Chapter 23
Jaxson
Savannah, GA May 18– Thursday
Sometimes things just happen. You can’t predict them. They are just there, and you must roll with the punches.
Over the last month, I’ve been playing the avoidance game with my mother. It turns out, she’s been doing the same with me. Unbeknownst to me, she has been travelling for the last five weeks. She and my stepfather have been all around the world. I had no inkling that she wasn’t in town. I’m a total slug for not picking up on the fact that she isn’t the type to wait for me to take initiative to fix things. She’s a fixer, a doer. Jeanine Shaw is the type to make things happen.
My father used to tell us all the time. “Your mother could run the entire Shaw empire and not break a sweat if she chose. Instead, she prefers to remain in the background and allow others to shine.”
I miss watching the two of them together. They were the best.
My front door opens, and she walks in just as I’m coming down from the shower. She looks like she just stepped off a runway after spending some quality time catching some sun. This time away did wonders for her. She looks good.
“Congratulations, you have on actual clothes this time!”
I’m initially startled because I don’t expect it to be her. When I see who it is I immediately pull her into a hug.
“Look who finally decided to rejoin the common folk. Welcome back, World Traveler. How’re you doing?”
She pulls back and her baby blues take me in. Tears begin to pool in her eyes.
