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Daire smiles then leans in. He takes my hand and I feel the play of his fingers as he glides the tips of them back and forth over my skin. He nods.
“I do. I recall wanting to talk to you and you having to run out.”
I nod in agreement.
“Yes. You’re right. I did have to leave that day, but I did want to talk to you. I’d wanted to talk to you about something I’d liked about. A thing I’ve kept a secret.”
He suddenly stops moving. His eyes widen. The look on his face makes me even more nervous. Still, I want to press on.
“Blaze ... look ... “
I physically react to him using that name again. He’d used the last time we were here together, but I thought nothing of it. I chalked it up to him being caught up in the moment. This time, it’s different. It means something more, but I can’t get lost in that right now. I need to tell him or I’m not going to feel right about anything if we possibly move forward. The look he’s giving me tells me there is a chance of that. I can’t have that if I don’t set the record straight.
“The night you came to my room, I started telling you what was going on. I paused to put the words together then something hit me.” I take a deep breath then blow it out through my teeth. “People used to joke and say I looked like I had more than one baby growing inside of me. Turns out, they were right. I was pregnant with two babies that day. Only one ... passed away. I never told you about the other one. There’s a reason for that.”
He grabs both of my hands and I feel him shake his head. I hear a door close that I didn’t hear open.
“Okay. We should ...” he tries to speak but I cut him off.
“This is probably the worst time for me to tell you this. I’m so sorry. It’s just, you were giving me this look and it gives me hope. It makes me feel like there could be a second chance for us. I don’t want this to be the thing looming over us.”
“I know. I understand.”
His eyes dart over my shoulder. Turning, I see that people I care about are trying to appear as if they are talking to one another. It’s evident they are watching us, watching me. I’m the one who doesn’t know what’s really going on. Without turn back to Daire, I begin to speak.
“Can I let you in on another secret?” I ask him.
When I turn to face him again, his concerned face is... interesting. To say the least.
“They don’t think I know, but I do. I know everything. I remember.”
His posture is off. It’s as if he’s trying for one position but didn’t quite get it right. Tension rolls off him.
“You do?”
“I know all about the losses I’ve suffered in the last eighteen months. I’m not ‘over it’, per se, but I believe I’m ready to deal with it.”
Daire deflates right before my eyes. His response isn’t exactly what I was expecting. It reminds me of Noelle and how she reacted the last time I was in her office. I’m preparing to ask him what’s wrong when I hear the group join us again.
“We have a surprise and it’s here. I’m so excited. Come on. I know you want to see it, Little Brother.”
We both stand. Daire’s hand slips from mine as he moves to join the group. I remain where I am until he turns to me. he beckons me with a gesture.
“Little Brother? That one’s new.”
“You don’t like it,” Hope asks him.
“I do. I like it a lot. Thanks, Big Sis.”
I follow behind them. No longer part of the festivities. I’m replaying what just happened. The entire time, he seemed to be waiting for me to get to the point. It’s strange. It’s as if he didn’t need me to tell him anything. Like he already knew.
How?
That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?
