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Dax
“Why don’t you comeplay poker tonight at my friend’s house? One of our friends is out of town riding a bull, so we’ll be playing a man down. You can take his spot.”
“I don’t have a sitter for Bow.” I used my daughter as an excuse because I didn’t want to go be around a bunch of people I didn’t know, especially with the mood I was in.
“It’s cool, Tyson has a daughter about Bow’s age. I think they even go to the same school. The women go upstairs for girl time and spa treatments and Oliva typically does kid versions of those treatments and then watches as many princess movies as she can until she falls asleep. I’m sure having Bow to play with would be a good thing.” Liam held the bag as I nailed into it with blow after blow, trying to drown out my thoughts of Samantha with each strike of the heavy bag.
“Fine, but mainly because Bow’s mentioned a girl named Olivia and she’s been down since Samantha left.” It had been three days and it broke my heart to see Bow wake up and realize Samantha was no longer there. My jaw clenched tightly, remembering how hard my baby had cried at losing a mother figure. She never knew Rayne, but she knew her mom was gone. For a brief moment in time, she knew what it was like to have a mom in Samantha, and I’d gotten scared and taken that away from her.
I hated that I caused my daughter any kind of pain, and the guilt ate at me. Samantha had called from wherever she was, probably back in DC, and told Bow that she had to go back to find her home. I’d listened to the call, noting the sadness and tears in Samantha’s voice as she said goodbye to Bow. She told her that she loved her, and that was the last I’d heard from her.
After I left the gym, I went to pick up Bow from the daycare. She was in timeout when I got there for pushing another kid. “Hey, why did you push your friend, Bow?” I squatted down on my haunches and got on eye level with my little girl, whose eyes were already filling with tears.
“He said his mommy was better than mine because his mommy makes cookies for him.”
With that one sentence, my heart broke for my baby girl, and the guilt at running off Samantha just became that much more all-consuming. “I know that hurt your feelings, Bow, but even when someone says words that hurt our hearts, that doesn’t mean we can push them.”
“I know,” she bowed her head and whispered, hiding her face in my neck as she clung to me.
I promise, baby. I won’t bring anyone else home who’s not meant to stay there. You will never know this pain again, I vowed silently as I hugged her tight.
“Hey, guess where we are going tonight? We are going to visit your friend Olivia.”
Bow’s head popped up from her place hiding in my neck. “Yay.”
“But, we have to go home and Daddy has to get a shower, he’s stinky from his workout, and we need to eat some dinner before we go.”
Bow scrunched up her nose when I said the word stinky. “I’m hungry. Can we have chicken nuggets?”
“Not tonight.” I opened the door to my truck and let her climb into her booster seat and watched as she buckled herself in. “We have a chicken and veggies on the menu tonight.”
“No broccoli, Daddy.”
“No broccoli.” I laughed. Bow pretty much ate every vegetable there was, but she didn’t like broccoli. The kid would eat Brussel sprouts and beats, but put broccoli in front of her and she would revolt. She said they looked like little trees and she didn’t want to eat trees.
We ran home, and Bow colored a picture at the table while I hopped in the shower and got dressed. If Samantha had been there, when I got out of the shower I would have heard them talking, laughing, or playing—instead I was met with the silence of Bow coloring by herself. It was only a fifteen-minute shower, but those minutes shouldn’t have been silent. They should have been filled with love and laughter that comes with having a family and being a family.
I was shocked by how much I missed Samantha’s presence around the house. She was here for so short of a time, but she made such a big impact on everything around her. I missed her soft smiles and the small conversations we had about our day. I missed her laughter as she played with Bow. Her cooking that ran on the bland side, but I never said anything because at least she tried. I missed her taste, and the feel of her under my bands. God, we’d only slept together the once, but she was addicting. I felt like a junkie that needed another hit because the withdraws were too fucking strong to cope with.
Liam was right. I needed to get out of the house tonight because all being here did was remind me how much I missed Samantha being here with us. Getting out of the house and going to play poker would be a welcome distraction.
***
Turned out the littlegirl’s house we were going to was the Olivia from Ms. Porter’s class, and the group of men I was playing with included the assistant district attorney, Tyson Blake, a Detective Gabriel Maddox, Damien Savage who owned the sex club I’d gone to a few times since moving here, and Liam. The missing player was Tyson’s wife’s best friend’s husband. They were on the road going to another bull riding tournament, so it was just the three wives upstairs and the girls while we played poker.
“When Rosen retires, are they going to make you the head coach?” Maddox asked, tossing his ante in as we talked football across the table and drank.
“I don’t know when he’ll retire. If he does, I’m certainly going to toss my hat in the ring for the position, but I’m ok being assistant coach for now.” I shrugged. It wasn’t a lie. Head coach had more responsibility and worked longer hours. I spent enough time on the road and away from Bow. As she was getting older, it would be harder and harder to take her to games with me. That was why I’d placed the ad that brought Samantha into our lives in the first place.
The second I thought her name, my mind went down the rabbit hole of thoughts of her. It had been a few days since I heard from her, and I had no idea where she was. I knew I had no right to ask, but I pulled out my phone and sent her a quick text.
I know I have no right to ask where you are, but I just want to know that you are ok. Bow misses you.
I hit send before I could second guess myself and waited to see if she would respond.
“You in or out, Dax?” Liam broke into my thoughts as I waited and willed Samantha to text back.
“Sorry.” I took a look at the pair of threes in my hand and folded. My mind and heart weren’t really in the game anyway. I finished my beer and grabbed a water from the fridge, twisting the top and guzzling it down quickly. I didn’t drink often, and I never drank more than two, especially if I was driving.
