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“What do you have to say about the wildlife,” she said, fumbling for something to say to cover her blunder.
“It’s regrettable,” he said, there was a hint of laughter still in his voice, but he was being serious again, and she appreciated that he wasn’t trying to turn the conversation to something else. “I don’t like it, and I would change it if I could. But the Howards aren’t developing all their acreage. We’re talking about a very small percentage of a very large area. The wildlife will be okay.”
“So, they actually paid attention to that when they were making the decision?” Abi said, unsure why this surprised her.
“If they hadn’t, I would have,” Ilan said, his tone saying he was serious. “Look, I don’t know how much you know about what I do—”
“You cut down trees,” Abi said immediately.
“Well, yes,” he said, and she could hear the slightest edge to his voice. “But there is more to it than that. Responsible stewardship is something I take very seriously.”
“Wait, what?” Abi said.
“Well yeah,” this time he did laugh, and she felt the sound tingle in her fingers, “We don’t just clear land for fun. There are a lot of things we consider. Not just what the client is asking for. I won’t lie, my job can be very lucrative, but that doesn’t mean I’m only in it for the cash. I have a duty to the land to leave it as healthy as I can so that it can thrive when I leave.”
“I… don’t know what to say to that,” Abi said because it was true. She was embarrassed to realize it hadn’t occurred to her that he put any thought at all into what he did. “I owe you an apology.”
“Yeah? Go ahead then,” he said, and she could hear the teasing in his tone. She felt her hackles trying to rise.
“Go ahead what?” She said, trying to sound as light as he did, but knowing she was sharp.
“You want to apologize? I won’t stop you,” he said.
“I thought I just did.” She was being peevish. If one of her preschoolers said something like that, she would give them a serious talk about ‘sorry’ as a first step and teshuva. She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable.
“I’m not going to force you,” he said, and she glared at nothing. Not liking the feeling that she had backed herself into this corner, and not sure why she was having such a hard time admitting she was wrong. She knew she was wrong here. She knew what she should say, so why couldn’t she make herself say it?
“Thank you,” she said, a little stiffer than she would like, but it was better than hanging up on him, which was what she really wanted to do.
“You’re about to get prickly again,” he predicted.
Abi snorted.
“There it is,” he said, and he laughed again. She wasn’t sure but it sounded almost forced. She felt her eyebrows raising.
“Has it occurred to you that maybe I wouldn’t come off so prickly if someone wasn’t constantly picking apart everything I say?”
“All I said was that you saying a thing isn’t the same thing as you doing the thing,” Ilan said. After a moment he broke the silence, “I’m not trying to start a fight.”
“Are you sure? We’re so good at that,” Abi said, she meant it to be a joke, but it fell flat. She winced, this time she was being the jerk. She knew it, but she couldn’t seem to shift out of it.
“I think we probably have other skills,” he said, and she felt like an even bigger jerk. The guy was clearly trying to give her an out. She should grab onto it with both hands.
“You’re right,” she said, resolving to be ten whole percent less of a bitch. “And you’re right about the other thing too. I’m sorry for making assumptions about the way you run your business. It was crappy.”
“Thank you,” he said, and he sounded pleased. Also, maybe a bit surprised. She fought the urge to be offended that he would be surprised she really apologized. He hadn’t said that. She was assuming.
He was right, she realized, she was prickly around him.
“I’m not sure why we’re so utzy with each other,” Abi said. “What is that about?”
“Oil and water?” he suggested.
“I’m water in that analogy,” she said. “I refuse to admit to being oily.”
“Well, I don’t want to be oily either,” he said, and she had to laugh, “so bad analogy. Do we just not mix?”
“Why didn’t you kiss me?” she said, unsure where the thought came from. “Today, I mean, why didn’t you kiss me? You made it a whole thing.”
