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“You’re a fucking lumberjack, Ilan. You’re such a manly man that you had a woman begging you to make her cum this afternoon and you didn’t even have to use your glorious dick to do it.”
“Stop it, you’re making me blush,” he said, appreciating what she was trying to do.
“I’m not joking,” Abi said, warming to her theme. “Plenty of women would—”
“Abi,” Ilan said, “I get it.”
“Okay, okay, you’re right. I’m trying to help, and I’m objectifying you all over again. That’s crappy, and I apologize.”
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” he said because he did. “But for the record, the reason I actually broke up with Rachel wasn’t because of the relationship itself. It sucked, but I was used to it. It was the other stuff I had a problem with.”
“What other stuff?” Her tone was curious, and he didn’t get the sense she was asking because she wanted dirt. More that she was encouraging him to open up. But he was uncomfortable. Perhaps because he’d never actually admitted this to anyone, perhaps because he didn’t like what it said about him that this bothered him. Regardless, he was uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and cast his gaze around his kitchen for something that needed doing. Not that he wanted to load his dishwasher or anything, but it would be nice to be doing something.
“I think I prefer you being prickly,” he said finally, hoping she would take it for what it was, and not his trying to pick a fight. After a moment, she chuckled.
“If you really want me to be, I can bring it back,” she said, and he wondered what she was doing. Was she also looking for something to keep her hands busy during this conversation? Though he doubted it, she had no reason to be uncomfortable now. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Ilan. We’re not very close. I get it if you would rather we just changed the subject or something.”
“I appreciate that,” he said, relieved more than he wanted to admit.
“So what does this mean for our… situation? Are you telling me you don’t want to do whatever it is we do anymore?” There was something in her tone that sounded—he didn’t know what exactly. Would she be disappointed if he told her he didn’t want to anger-bone anymore? Anger-bone? What was he, twelve? Ilan almost laughed. It sounded like something his brother Ari would say.
“What is it we do, exactly? I wouldn’t exactly call us friends, would you? So, it’s not like we have a friends with benefits situation—”
“Acquaintances with perks?” she offered.
He snorted; it was as close a descriptor as anything else.
“I think I’m saying I’m done with situations where I only see a person to have sex with them,” he said, wondering if this sounded strange to her.
“So, you want to try dating?” she said, sounding… was that surprise? He wasn’t about to say she sounded pleased. He very much doubted that’s what she was feeling. He closed his eyes.
“Would that be too much to ask?”
* * *
What was this feeling? Abi wondered. Where had it come from and how was it hers? She hadn’t been joking earlier. If Sho or Leah had told her the things about their romantic partner that Ilan had just told her, their group chat would have been on fire with ideas for revenge, some feasible, some entirely fantastical. She was appalled at Rachel Melfie, and a big part of her wanted to call the woman up and tell her what a terrible person she was. It was only that Ilan had effectively sworn her to secrecy that stopped her.
But he wanted to date? And he wanted to date her? Her? Ilan wanted to date Abi.
She bit her lip. He was just such aguy. She’d never expected him to be as open as he’d been in the past few minutes. It wasn’t that she didn’t think him capable, so much, more that she didn’t think he would be willing to be that vulnerable with someone who wasn’t a close friend. She knew she certainly wouldn’t have let herself.
And the thing was, the thought of choosing to date him sounded… quite nice, actually. It had been too long since she’d gone on a real date with someone she could talk to who wasn’t afraid to point out when she was being difficult.
“Abi, should I make an awkward joke to fill the silence, or do you want me to pretend I didn’t just ask you to try a committed relationship?” he said, and she realized he was still waiting on an answer.
“Sorry, I was just—sorry,” she said, feeling clumsy and adolescent. “Listen, I would—I think I would really like that. But you should know that I see Rachel Melfie a lot. Like, alot.”
He was quiet for a long moment, and she felt the urge to explain.
“We’re not that close or anything, but Micah just graduated from the preschool, and she’s going to be acting president of the Parent’s Board for another year, so it’s not just that I see her at work. I have to interact with her at functions and things. I just don’t want it to be awkward, you know?”
“I didn’t ask you to defend my honor,” Ilan said, and she could hear the stiffness in his tone.
“No, I wouldn’t—I mean, I know that’s not what you were asking. It’s just that if we do this and you’re my plus one, you’ll have to see her, I mean. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do something you don’t want to do is all.” She was flustered. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been genuinely flustered. She felt like one of her mother’s chickens.
“I got you,” he said, and she wondered if things were okay or if she’d lumbered in and made it all worse. She didn’t want him to think she thought he wasn’t capable of taking care of himself.
“Listen, I’m not trying to manage your life or anything. If we’re going to do this, you should probably know that’s a thing I do. It’s not my favorite thing, and I know people don’t like it, so I’m working on it, but it just sort of happens. I’m not trying to fix you, I just,” she stopped, wondering what she was even trying to say here, “I should stop talking.”
