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“I believe your daughter is referring to the way we show affection,” Lisa said, she was stirring a pot of something on the stove now.
“What could possibly be weird about the way we show affection, lambkin?”
“You guysonlydo this on Shabbat, you know that right?” Abi said, but she was laughing, even though she was exasperated, “I swear, you spend time on the internet finding things to call each other just to freak us out.”
“I think it’s cool your parents still dig each other,” Simon said from the doorway. Leah groaned behind Abi.
“Don’t encourage them, they already think they’re the most adorable,” Leah said with theatrical disgust dripping from her words.
“It could be worse,” Ilan said, amusement tugging at his dimples.
“How could itpossiblybe worse?” Leah said, slathering a thick wedge of cheese with a bit of jam.
“They could be holding hands and talking about welcoming the Shabbat bride like nobody gets that euphemism,” Ilan said leaning against the kitchen island. Leah made a show of gagging on the bite of cheese, and her mother swatted at her with a dish towel. Simon laughed loudly.
“Please, tell me your parents did that,” he said, the two were close enough in age that he had shared a grade in Hebrew school with Ilan’s brother Ari. Simon had had more than one Shabbat dinner at the Efrat house.
“Oh, yeah,” Ilan shuddered, “I think Jed was about to graduate from grad school, it was a wholerekindle the flamesituation.”
“Tragic, man,” Simon said, shaking his head in commiseration. Ilan lifted his chin to show appreciation. Lisa was giving her husband a look that could be described as quixotic in the right light.
“Wait, we’re talking about sex?” Abi asked while she was placing wine glasses on the table. She didn’t sound appalled, more like mildly curious.
“Yes, clueless, we’re talking about sex,” Leah said, glaring at her sister, “or, more specifically, Ilan is talking about our parents having sex, which is just bizarre.”
“You know our parents have sex, Lay, it’s not like it’s a secret,” Abi said reasonably, walking back to the island. She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Really, we’ve done it at least once,” Judah said, and Lisa snorted.
“I do not need to know about my parents’ sex lives, thank you very much,” Leah said, dropping what was left of the wedge of cheese back on her plate. She licked a smidge of jam from her thumb.
“If it makes you feel any better, we weren’t going to go into specifics,” Lisa said, her tone reasonable. Judah guffawed.
“No, that doesnotmake me feel better, what iswrong withyou people?” Leah turned to glare at Simon, and he put up his hands in defense. “A little help?”
“All I said was I think it’s cool they still dig each other, that doesn’t happen all the time!”
“Simon’s not wrong, dear,” Lisa said, handing Abi the covered challah loaf. Abi wordlessly took it to the table. “Would you prefer we weren’t on speaking terms?”
“I would prefer you not include the rest of us in your creepy kink,mom,” Leah said, then called over her shoulder to her sister, “Could you back me up please?”
“I don’t think they’re including us in their kink, Leah. They’re just, like, calling each other cute names. It’s strange, but it’s their thing. I’d be more concerned if they didn’t, you know? It’s Shabbat. Ofcourse,dad’s doing the thing where he calls momfluffernutter surpriseor whatever.”
“Oh, that’s a good one,” Judah said as though he were filing it away for later.
“You will not refer to me as a deli sandwich,” Lisa said pointedly.
“Yes, dear.”
“You’re not at all freaked out that we just found out our parents only have sex every Friday night,” Leah said, mystified.
“Weknowour parents have sex, Lay. At least, we hope they do if that’s what they’re into. And we don’t actually know they only have sex every Friday night. If the point here is we know they had sex specifically because they’re calling each other outlandish names, and they only call each other outlandish names when they’re either going to or have just had the sex, then we know they don’t just do that on Friday nights because you know they also use the weird names when they’re annoyed at each other.”
Lisa made a show of freezing and giving Judah a look. Judah theatrically looked out the window.
“Oh,come on,” Leah wailed.
“I am so glad you invited me.So much of your personality suddenly makes sense,” Ilan said to Abisotto voce, his tone smug.
