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Not now, not ever.
“When I turned 15, I shot up 3 inches, and became taller than her. My hair had grown out, my skin had cleared up, and people started commenting on how beautiful I was.” I finger quoted ‘beautiful’. “This pissed her off even more. So, at an age where every girl is asking if she’s okay, my mother is telling me I’m too busy trying to attract boys and my schoolwork is not good enough, and I don’t help around the house enough, and oh, by the way, you were a mistake and you ruined my figure.” I took a deep breath. “The basic truth is that she’s an ugly person on the inside, and she didn’t spare me any of it.”
“Was she the same to Mara?” He asked gently.
“No, but in some ways, I believe Mara had it worse. She made Mara her mini-me. Mara is terrified, still, of eliciting her anger and disapproval. The only thing Mara doesn’t tolerate from her are slights against me or anything that makes Olivia uncomfortable.”
“Yet, you and Mara, you’re close?”
I nodded. “Very. Mara babysat me, a lot, when she lived at home. That continued when she got her own place. When she and Zale got their own place, I lived with them close to half of the time. Especially from the time I was fifteen.”
“I’m surprised your mother allowed that,” he commented.
I raised my eyebrows. “You’re right. That never occurred to me, funnily enough. It was my dad who insisted I stay with Mara whenever I wanted. Huh. I had forgotten that. Maybe in his own way he tried to protect me.”
“It wasn’t enough.”
“I’m sorry?”
“It wasn’t enough. She was abusive and you should have been spared that.”
“He adored her,” I whispered to him, tears welling in my eyes. I picked at the floral embroidery on my throw pillow to give myself a moment to acclimate to his compassion.
“I’m sorry,” he rumbled back.
I swiped my fingers beneath my eyes and turned away from him to compose myself. Time to change the subject.
“Did you have pets or did you stick to rescuing wildlife?” I teased.
“All the time. Dogs and cats and a revolving door of wounded wildlife that became half tame and drove my mother up the wall. The skunks were the worst. They didn’t like her.” He laughed out loud at the memories. Laughter that sounded like thunder.
He didn’t laugh, he boomed, a wild burst of energy released from his big chest. I laughed too, delighted with the crazy sound he made. I reached for his hand on the back of the couch. He turned his palm around and linked his fingers with mine, smiling at me, his teeth a flash of white in his bearded face, his laugh lines a starburst from the corners of his beautiful eyes.
“Your laugh! It’s amazing!” I exclaimed.
“It’s something, that’s for sure.” He acknowledged. “I got my voice from my dad, my demeanor from my mother.”
“How old are you, Barrett?”
“I’m forty-one. How old are you?”
I smiled and scolded him, “You’re not supposed to ask a lady how old she is.”
He shook his head. “I told you when we started that you could ask me anything so long as you were prepared to answer as well.”
“That’s true. I’m thirty-one. I’ll be thirty-two in a month.”
“Am I too old for you?” He asked in his direct way.
I looked down at my lap but squeezed his fingers. “Naw, you’re too good for me.”
“I believe I’m actually perfect for you,” he stated. “Are you ready to take a chance? Rhys and Rebecca are practically married. I don’t think us dating will mess things up for her.”
“That’s just it. We’re practically family now.”
He shook his head. “Funny, I don’t look at you like a cousin or a sister.”
He stood and pulled me up from the couch. “Come and hug me goodbye. We’ll argue more about this another time.”
