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I rolled my eyes but smiled as I followed him to the door. He drew me into his arms, holding me lightly until I relaxed against him. He pressed a brief, sweet kiss to the top of my head.
I gave him a final squeeze and released him, disheartened that I could not follow him where he wanted to lead us.
He pulled his coat on and tipped his chin down to look at me. “We’ve got time, Willa, don’t worry.”
I nodded. I didn’t know what else to do.
He said, “Call me if you need me,” and he was gone.
It was late, but I made myself another hot chocolate. I used his mug this time, drinking from the same place his mouth had been, as if we shared all the time. I curled up with it on the couch and stole that moment as well.
Chapter 5
Don’t Say It
Willa
“Well? Have you been plundered yet?”
I snorted out a laugh and dropped my purse on the back of my chair.
“Junie, you are unbelievable.”
She sighed. “That’s a no, isn’t it?”
I narrowed my eyes on her beautiful face. “It’s a no.”
This was the question she asked every time she knew I’d seen Barrett. On Friday, Junie and I had picked up takeout from Bliss Kitchen, a vegan restaurant in Bridgewater that rocked, and binge-watched ‘New Girl’ on Netflix at her place. I slept over and on Saturday morning I had let it slip that I was going out with my sister, Zale, Rhys, Rebecca, and Barrett that night.
Her voice softened. “When are you going to let him in?”
I could handle her brashness. I could dismiss her when she was being brazen and obnoxious. But when she was soft? No.
“I’m not for him, Junie. He’s forty-one years old. He wants forever, probably wants a family. I would be a waste of his time. I don’t have forever in me.”
“Says who?”
“Blech,” I pretended there was a bad taste in my mouth. “She started it, but she might be right.” I held up my hand to forestall the protest. “Not back then, not when I was a kid, but now? Now I’m all about protecting myself and protecting my peace. You know that comes first. It has to.”
Minty wandered over from where she’d been quietly working. She placed a gentle hand on my shoulder as she passed to sit on the chair in front of my desk. “You’re not who she says you are. You are giving and kind, funny and generous. Look how you are with your sister and her family, how you dropped everything for Bex when she went through her freak-out, how you’re there for all of us.”
I rubbed my hand across my forehead in a lame attempt to rub away the headache that was looming. “I can’t think about that right now. Something is wrong with my sister.”
“You said she’s struggling with depression,” Minty reminded me.
Perhaps it was not right to speak with Minty and Junie about Mara’s personal business, but they were locked vaults and took on the task of being my emotional support system much like a spouse would.
I picked up my pen and doodled minuscule flowers on the notepad on my desk.
“There’s something more. I don’t know what it is yet.” I dropped the pen and sat up straight. “I’ll figure it out. But for now, especially? With Mara going through only God knows what? I don’t have room in my life for anything else. She’s my priority, her and Zale and Olivia.”
They changed the topic, knowing when I was done entertaining that particular line of thought. But even as we moved on to other things, at the back of my mind ran the marauding thought, ‘what if’.
Junie and Minty were laughing uproariously, Junie slapping her own thigh in her mirth. I’d lost track of the conversation in my musings and was just about to demand a recap when my cell rang. I pulled it towards me to check the caller.
“Oh, Lord, it’s my mother,” I sighed.
“Don’t answer it, sweets,” Minty advised softly.
