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“It’s okay. Easier for me if I don’t need to pretend I’m okay or pretend I’m not okay. With you I’ve never have to pretend. Weird, actually.”
“You hungry?”
“Um, always?”
He stepped away and took my hand, raising his eyebrows in question and I nodded as he led me into The Buccaneer. The friendly hostess grabbed a couple of menus and seated us in short order. It wasn’t busy being midweek and off season.
“The owners are Greek, and the food is fantastic.”
“Greek food?”
“Yes, good Greek food but they do great fish, too.”
He did not lie. I sat back in my chair with a satisfied sigh. “Yum.”
He flashed his teeth and I wished for the millionth time that I had captured that smile on the hike we took together a million years ago.
He paid, staring me down hard when I protested. I felt that, too, and not in a bad way. We got up and he placed his hand at the small of my back. I felt myself leaning back slightly into his hand as he led me back to his car from which he grabbed a small duffel bag.
“You want to change into your flip flops?”
“Yup.” I smiled happily and rolled my neck. The smell of the air, the breeze in my hair, earth’s kiss.
He set a baseball cap on my head, and I pulled my hair through the back into a ponytail. Then he pulled out sunscreen and offered it to me.
“You’re fair, you should put some on,” he paused. “We’ll come back in the summer so I can do the bits you can’t reach.”
I laughed, he smiled, we walked.
The beach was beautiful. It was my first time visiting Lake Erie and I was a fan. The houses backing onto the beach were a dream I never knew I had. There were small groups and families scattered over the broad beach, no swimmers, and a handful of sunbathers. We walked the length of the beach, and I slipped my hand in his more than once to squeeze him, trying to communicate to him what he had done for me that day.
When we were almost back to where we started, he stopped, opened the bag, and pulled out a beach blanket and a couple of bottles of water. We flopped down together to watch the waves.
I closed my eyes and lay back, letting the sounds of waves, and seagulls, and happy families wash over me. I didn’t worry about tracking my surroundings, Barrett would never let anything touch me. The warmth of the sun, the kiss of the breeze, the music of the shore, the stillness and strength of the man beside me, eased my soul.
“I love this. Thank you.”
“Thank you.”
I smiled without opening my eyes. “What are you thanking me for?”
“Letting me in.”
My smile faded. “I trust you.”
It was true, and that truth hit me like a ton of bricks. That fresh, sweet, foreign thing growing inside me, was trust, trust in him.
“I couldn’t possibly wish for more than that at this moment. Rest. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
He lay back beside me, one arm folded behind his head, his other hand resting over mine on the blanket between us. We talked about everything and nothing at all while the afternoon sun sank towards evening.
We hit Mackie’s and gorged on French fries which we dipped in their special sauce and then we headed home. The drive was quiet and peaceful, and I fell asleep once again.
I woke with his hand in my hair, as he stroked it back from my face, his eyes soft and warm on mine. I smiled and his face softened further. He walked me to my door, ensured that I was okay to be on my own, hugged me close, and told me he’d see me at work.
Despite my grief, despite my guilt, despite my fear, my soul smiled.
When I walked into my office the following day it was to two shiny, expectant faces. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling.
