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“Lenny’s watching your rage fest.”
Her eyes swung to Lenny, and she let out a happy sigh. “Frig, he’s hot. I don’t know what does it for me more, the briefcase and glasses or the spiky hair and eyeliner.”
“Lucky for you, you don’t have to choose,” I teased.
“Barrett doesn’t really have an onstage persona,” she mused.
“No, he has a veterinarian persona, where he cleans up his wardrobe and ties his hair back. His stage self is also his weekend self.”
“But both are hot,” Junie probed.
“Hot, kind, sensitive, sexy, loving, he’s got it all.”
“No, babe!” Junie’s voice rose as the music picked up, “You get it all!”
I laughed and turned to watch as Barrett lumbered out onto the stage in his faded jeans and tight tee. He bent his neck towards his guitar and his hair fell in a sexy curtain down one side of his rugged face. He furrowed his brow in concentration, the cords in his arms flexing with every stroke of his talented fingers. He stepped up to the microphone, his eyes finding me immediately, his deep, rough voice surrounding me, filling me as he introduced the band and opened the show.
They were on fire as they played. The crowd was wound up, thanks in part to Sarah. I watched as she slunk across the stage, stopping next to Barrett, her sexy body undulating against his, back-to-back, as he sang words that should have been meant for me.
Junie gasped, “She did not just do that.”
Barrett jumped in surprise at the first contact between Sarah’s body and his, and I saw clearly that he tried to shift away, but it was to no avail. Short of stopping the show there was nothing he could do. The mic would pick up anything he said. He turned back to the microphone and continued, his angry eyes seeking me out in the crowd. His anger only served to make him look wilder, hotter, and made his voice deeper, gruffer. The crowd ate it up.
For a couple of songs Sarah stayed by her side of the stage until they broke into Saving Abel’s ‘Addicted’. Sarah chose her moment and at its dirtiest part she pressed her back against his and slowly lowered herself to her haunches, playing all the way, sliding her ass down the side of his leg as the crowd screamed. She came back up and leaned in, sharing the mic with him as he finished out the song.
I saw red. Junie’s face was flaming; she was so angry on my behalf.
“She is a c-c-c- no! She’s a cock-sucking, motherfucking, asshole! I can’t believe her nerve! That bitch!”
I barely heard him announce the break. My blood was boiling, my anger directed at Barrett because he had put me in this position where I cared enough to be hurt if I lost him. My anger was also directed inward, at myself, for allowing this relationship that would destroy my family as I knew it. Selfish. I’d only thought about what I wanted, which was Barrett, and not how that might affect everybody else.
“Willa, don’t give her the satisfaction,” Junie coached.
I heard her words as if they were coming from far away. I saw Barrett as if through a haze. I would lose him, too. I watched as if from a distance as he made a beeline directly for me, not even stopping to acknowledge the groupies with a thank you. As soon as he reached our table he yanked me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me, bringing his mouth down hard on mine.
I stood within his embrace ramrod straight, until the feel of his mouth and his big hands stroking firmly up and down my back began to penetrate. My body bent to his and he gentled his hold, slowing the kiss. He cupped his big gentle hands around my head as he pulled back half of an inch. His eyes were wild, his hold on me firm.
“I watched you from the stage, watched as you started building up your walls and pulling away,” he spoke soft enough that only I could hear. His hands tightened slightly around my head, his face hard as he looked into my eyes, “Don’t you pull away from me. Don’t you let anyone or anything come between us.”
“I don’t like feeling threatened,” I admitted, my voice not sounding like my voice.
His mouth twisted and he snarled, “There is no threat.”
I nodded, slowly refocused back on his face and the here and now instead of what I might lose in the future. His expression gentled as did his hands in my hair.
He spoke softly, kissing the corners of my mouth sweetly between words, “I’m going to be so deep inside you tonight that you’ll never worry someone could come between us again.”
My knees wobbled and he wrapped his arms around my back, holding me tight to his chest. I trailed my hands around to his back and held him close. I felt him pull in a deep breath, saw Junie watching his face before her worried eyes flickered to mine. She smiled at me reassuringly.
The server came by the table and dropped off beer and water for Barrett and Lenny. Barrett sat down and pulled me gently onto his lap. That’s how we sat for the whole of the break, his hand kneading my hip lightly, his beard against the side of my throat, the fresh scent I always associated with him mixed with his sweat and the smell of his beer, grounding me and easing my anxiety.
I wondered again what I would eventually do to screw up what we had, at what point he would discover that my mother was not entirely wrong about me. Case in point: I felt threatened and started to pull away, not even giving him a chance.
Lenny and Junie carried the conversation but there was no disguising the disgust on Lenny’s face, the worry on Junie’s, or the cold fury on Barrett’s. He drank his beer, downed his water, and it was time to go back on. As they made their way backstage, I noticed that Lucky was already getting ready, standing at Sarah’s place on stage.
She walked over to him and they shared some words. He smirked and pointed to the other side of the stage, the side where she wouldn’t be able to share a mic with Barrett because the neck of his guitar would be in the way. She shook her head angrily which only made Lucky laugh as he walked away from her, forcing her to either change sides or make a scene.
Junie sidled over to me.
