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Chapter 30 - Reflections
Ruby
“Awkward doesn’t begin to describe it.” I cringed. “How would you feel if you had to tell Alex you were wrong about who his father is because you’d fucked two different men two weeks apart?”
Amber and I sat hip-to-hip on the front step, waiting for Vander to come home with Jace. After talking to Jace about the paternity test, I told him Vander wanted to pick him up after school and take him out. Jace was a ball of nervous excitement. His dreams of having a father were taking shape right in front of him. Amber sat quietly, listening, as I rehashed the awkward conversation with Jace.
She looked down and sighed, then nodded. She bumped me lightly with her shoulder. “You dirty slut.”
I chortled.
She smiled. “You’re so far from that, Ruby. You were entitled to fuck whomever you wanted. You weren’t committed to him or anyone. It’s just ludicrous that the first time you have sex in ten years it was with two men two weeks apart.” She laughed incredulously. “So ridiculously far-fetched.”
Sharing with Amber lightened the weight that had settled over me since Sunday night with Vander’s revelation.
“I wish you’d let me share your burdens, Amber,” I murmured.
Amber wrapped her arms around her drawn up knees. “Just because I don’t give you the details doesn’t mean you don’t help me carry it.”
A tear spilled over and slowly rolled down her face.
I put my arm around her shoulders, and she put her head on my shoulder. She drew in a ragged breath, then relaxed against my side.
Vander
Caffeine at night had never been a problem for me, and I often enjoyed a cup of coffee in the evenings. I sat out on my deck and sipped the bitter brew, turning the collar of my fleece up around my neck. It would be too cold to sit outside soon. A fire bowl for the patio would be perfect. Picturing Ruby and I cozied up in a blanket drinking coffee by the fire at night, while Jace slept in his bedroom inside, made it a done deal.
I’d swing by the Home Store tomorrow, and pick one up, in between my appointment and picking Jace up after school.
Jace.
What an unbelievable development.
I’d gone to dinner at Ruby’s, fully prepared to put on a good front when I first met Jace, and ready to swallow the pain of meeting a child I wished was mine.
Fuck.
Alex came in first, sliding over the wood floors on his sock feet. I laughed, and thought, ‘there’s Ruby in boy form’. My fears dissipated and I loved him immediately.
Then Jace loped in.
Hands in his pockets.
Unruly mop of curly hair.
Dark, luminous eyes.
Half smile exactly like his older brother’s.
A current like an electric shock ran through my body at the sight of him.
Yiayia’s eyes darted back and forth between him and I, and Amber lost what little colour she had. Ruby, her focus wholly on Jace, was oblivious.
My emotions swung between anger, guilt, and despair. Anger with myself for having missed so much, despair over the fact that Ruby was a single mom all these years, guilt that all of it was due to my misguided attempt at self-sacrifice. I pushed away the worm of a thought that was so disturbing I could not acknowledge it, even to myself.
I barely made it through the dinner.
Yet, at the same time, nothing could tear me away. Sitting at the table with Jace, I was enthralled. Soaking up his answers to all my questions, listening to him converse with his cousin, witnessing his easy love and affection for his family, I couldn’t get enough.
