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I wondered how I’d survive if she walked away.
Fuck.
This.
This is what she went through when I did exactly that to her.
In that moment, I finally understood.
At the conference, she held nothing back, she even accepted George.
And I walked away.
You dumb fuck, Vander.
The water stopped, I turned off the overhead light, and turned the bedside lamp on. I placed my glasses on the table, pulled the covers back, and got into my side.
She padded softly into the bedroom, then paused three feet from the bed. “Vander, I…”
“Shh, baby. Just come to bed. I know you’re sad. I’m sad, too.”
Her face crumpled for a moment, then she pulled in a deep breath and crossed the rest of the way to the bed. She climbed in and I lay on my side facing her.
She lay quietly for a moment, then turned to me. A silent tear leaked out from the corner of her eye, slid over the bridge of her nose, and dropped onto the pillow.
“I don’t know why this is so hard,” she whispered. “I understand why you did what you did. I understand why I did what I did. I don’t know why I can’t just get past it.”
“It’s only been a few weeks, Ruby. Don’t be hard on yourself,” I murmured.
She nodded, her mouth drawn down at the corners, making her look older than she was.
I continued. “I understand, you know, why you’re struggling. What I did was wrong. I thought I was being noble, but I was being an ass.”
She chortled, and the extra years sloughed off her face.
“I’d take it all back, if I could.”
“All of it, Vander?” Her mouth twisted with disbelief.
I smiled a half smile at her. “I wouldn’t wish George and Jace away. We wouldn’t have either of them if I had transferred in university, so even though it was painful for both of us, I wouldn’t go back to that time and lose George and Jace.” I took a breath. “If I could go back, I’d go back twelve years, and I would have called you as soon as I got off the plane in B.C.”
Tears welled in her eyes.
“Yeah?”
My own eyes welled over. “Yeah, koukla. I would give anything to go back and do it differently.”
It was true. While custody would have been horrendous, I would take that risk if I had to do it all again. She was my woman. She would be my wife. She had to come first.
“Anything?” She looked doubtful.
I nodded. “Anything.”
She lay her hand over my cheek and closed her eyes.
Within moments, she drifted into sleep.
I pulled her into my arms and followed her under.
