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Yiayia.
Always Yiayia.
My constant.
My anchor.
My safe harbour from the storm.
I stopped in front of the fireplace and picked up the framed, yellowed, photograph of Pappou and Yiayia on board the ship that carried them to this country, full of hope, full of plans, full of my father. I wondered what dreams they had, how it must have felt to see them shatter.
I saw myself in the hospital saying goodbye to the unconscious shell of my father.
I heard Amber screaming on the driveway, her nails curling into the flesh of my arms, leaving me with two different kinds of scars from the day we lost our mom.
Arriving home to a Yiayia clothed head to toe in black, never to hear my Pappou’s booming voice again.
Saying goodbye as Vander went back to B.C.
Seeing the Facebook post proving he moved on, I heard once again the awful, keening sounds erupting from the bottomless pit of my grief.
Watching Drew’s handsome, sweet face go from happiness to confusion to resignation over the weeks following Jace’s birth as I froze him out. Looking back, I could have loved him. I was too afraid he wouldn’t love me.
Waiting for Vander’s text after the conference.
Yiayia at the hospital.
The empty house.
Alone.
I gently replaced the photograph on the mantle. Lifting Yiayia’s afghan from the couch, I curled up into my Pappou’s old chair, imagined his strong arms around me, and fell asleep.
“Ruby.”
A deep voice came as if from far away. In my sleepy state, I dreamed it was Pappou. I heard a deep sigh.
“Ruby.”
I opened my eyes to find Vander leaning over me. “Vander.”
“Why aren’t you in bed? You’re freezing,” he said as he ran his warm hands over my arms.
“Too lonely up there. The house feels too big with nobody in it.”
He scooped one arm under my knees and the other around my back, then lifted me up before turning to sit in the chair with me on his lap. The muscles in his thighs bunched and flexed under my butt as he shifted to get more comfortable, then tugged me close to his chest.
“You need your sleep,” he murmured. “We’ve got a big day today.”
“I know. There’s no help for it now. I’ll be okay, moro mou.”
I moved to get up, but he smoothed one big hand down my back and cupped the back of my head with his other one, tucking me under his chin. “Just sit for a while, Ruby-mine.”
I settled into his lap, his strong arms around me, and slept easy.
A few hours later, at Gus and Amber’s, Yiayia smiled to find her own bedroom suite in her new room. Even her jewelry box, picture frames, and knickknacks were laid out across the dresser. They were in the wrong places, and the jewelry box faced the wrong way, but Vander and Gus set it up as best as they could.
“Agoria mou! Thank you! Is perfect!”
