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In the kitchen I ate my standard piece of toast and drank a cup of coffee while reading the last few chapters of my book. It was a good one. The main characters reminded me of Vander and me, the way their lack of communication kept them apart. It made me happy to have the paperback version. I snickered to myself. More so because of Vander’s smiley face sticky tabs than anything else.
I put my dishes in the dishwasher, wiped off the counter, and swept my keys off the hook. Grabbing my coat, I pushed my arms through the holes, opened the front door and came to a full stop.
No matter how I tried, I could not make my foot take one step over the threshold.
Shitfuckdamn!
I closed the door and paced back and forth in the small hallway. I was having a good morning! Better than yesterday, I even took my pill, what the hell?
I returned to the kitchen and spun in a slow circle, thinking. I wasn’t afraid, exactly. Not like before with the shaking and sweating and heart pounding. No. This time my body simply refused to do what I bid it to do.
I looked at the time, rolled my neck, blew out a breath.
Okay.
I sat down with my hands resting loosely on my thighs, my feet flat on the floor. Breathe in for four, hold for five, out for six. Again.
Breathe in for four. Hold for five. I breathe and live and move freely in my world.
Breathe in for four. Hold for five. I breathe and live and move freely in my world.
Breathe in for four. Hold for five. I breathe and live and move freely in my world.
My shoulders dropped. The fist in my throat loosened its grip. My lungs filled with air. I stood slowly, breathing deeply.
I breathe and live and move freely in my world.
I picked up my keys and my purse,
I breathe and live and move freely in my world.
I opened the front door,
I breathe and live and move freely in my world.
and hit a glass wall.
I grabbed my cell phone.
“Minty?”
“Ruby? You okay?”
I snorted out a laugh. “Um. It’s weird. I don’t feel like I’m panicking but I can’t make myself leave the house. Can you, um, can you go into Spuds and put a sign up on the door? I’ll see if my part-timer is able to go in.”
Minty, being the owner and landlord of the building, had access to all the downstairs shops.
“Sure. I can do that. You want some company?” She asked softly.
“Uh, no. I can manage,” I replied. I relied on her and Amber too much in the beginning, and I did not want to be that person anymore.
“You sure, Rubes?” She sounded doubtful.
“Yes. I’m just going to take a break today. I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
I was still standing motionless in the kitchen twenty minutes later when a soft knock sounded at the front door. I checked through the window to find Minty’s car parked on the street outside.
I smiled ruefully when I let her in. She winked and hung up her coat.
