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“Offer me a cup of coffee or I’ll tell your Yiayia that you sent me out into the cold.”
I barked out a laugh and backed away into the kitchen, waving her in.
“Yiayia has cookies in the freezer, good ones. You want some?”
Minty dipped her chin and twisted her mouth. “Do you have to ask?”
I chortled and pulled them out. I breathed easier with her here and I felt a momentary stab of shame.
We carried the cookie plate and our coffees into the family room and settled in at either end of the couch.
“You know, Ruby, back when your agoraphobia first hit you, I could not help but think you could have gone so much further, so much faster, if you’d chosen to lean on Amber and me a little bit more than you did.”
My mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about? I leaned on you guys constantly.”
Minty cocked her head to the side. “No, no,” she disagreed thoughtfully. “We were always asking you what you wanted to do, where we could take you, you never said.”
I started to respond but she held up a smooth hand. “That conference is a prime example. Amber and I offered to drive you in. You said no. Fine. I understood you wanted to drive yourself. But when we offered to follow you in a couple of times so you could practice, you also said no. It took you six weeks to work up to that.”
“What’s wrong with that?” I cried indignantly.
She shrugged. “Nothing… if that’s what you had to do. But it didn’t have to be so hard. If you had allowed Amber or me to drive with you, or even follow you in once or twice, you would have been fine, and it wouldn’t have been nearly so difficult for you.”
“I didn’t even break a sweat driving there!” I defended.
She smiled her small, enigmatic smile. “How about all the practice times? Were you sweating then?”
I swallowed.
I was.
There were times I had to pull over to the side of the road. The first time I tried I had a panic attack at the city border and had to turn back.
She leaned over and placed a cool hand on my arm. “Ruby, you’re incredibly strong, and it’s good that when you have to do something on your own that you can push through and get it done, but does it make sense to you to make everything three times as difficult just so you don’t have to ask for help?”
I stared into her cool brown eyes, looking for judgement, finding none.
“You don’t understand,” I whispered.
She smiled. “Don’t I? Have you seen my house? Do you ever see me looking less than ready to face the camera? How about those times when I cancel last minute with no explanation? The fact that I insist I only take the boys together and never just one of them? Or when we move Bookstagram night to my place even when it means pulling the boys out late in the evening to go home? How I hate having the boys take the bus and tell you constantly if they need a ride, I can drive them? How about my habitual lateness?”
“I never thought about it,” I admitted. “I just thought you were a bit quirky, maybe a little controlling.”
She laughed her tinkling laugh. “That’s one way of thinking about it. You and Amber accommodate me without a second thought. Why will you not let me help you?”
“You’ve never asked me for help.”
“I’ve never had to.”
I looked down into my lap, shamed, and she reached a hand out immediately and placed it on my bent knee.
“No, Ruby, you misunderstand. I’ve never had to ask because you and Amber are naturally patient and tolerant. You are the only people I’m completely myself with.”
“You have anxiety?”
She nodded. “I have O.C.D.”
I slapped my hand over the side of my face. “Minty! I’m so sorry! I’ve been so wrapped up in myself I didn’t even notice.”
