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Chapter 6 – Hindsight
Vander
This woman encompassed everything I ever wanted, she always had, and I still couldn’t have her. Worse, she’d wasted ten years of her life, unable to move on. Seeing Ruby forced me to step back from the walls of my cage and notice the bars for the first time. Imprisoned by my choices, no matter how I tried to pick the lock, I could discern no way to free myself.
She lay half-sprawled over my chest while she slept. I ran my hand over her curls. I’d been hard on her last night, considering how long it had been for her, but I didn’t regret a moment of it. I hoped she wouldn’t either.
There was no doubt in my mind now that I’d dropped the ball ten years ago, wounding us both in the process. Hindsight was a vengeful bastard.
The sharp edges of frustration and regret needled my senses. I had grown into a man used to getting what I wanted. I worked hard to control every aspect of my business, planned for every possibility, and achieved the results I expected. I assessed, I planned, I prepared, I executed. Forcefully when necessary. Only where Ruby was concerned, I was hopelessly inept.
Helplessness was neither familiar nor comfortable, and the stakes were never higher than they were right now. I stood to lose my son, and it was a certainty that I would lose her.
Again.
If I started seeing her, and my ex-wife found out, it might harm my chances for custody. She would spin it in such a way as to damage my petition. Part of me wanted to give in to her demands, see Georgie when I could, and pick up my life, and my heart, where I left it.
With Ruby.
Behind my closed lids, two pairs of dark, luminous eyes beseeched me. Either way, I would suffer a broken heart. I had a responsibility towards my son. It wasn’t an easy choice, but it was the clear one.
I wondered if it would be fair to ask her to wait until the custody battle ended. Not even knowing how long it would be, it didn’t seem right. Could we do long distance and keep it under wraps until I resolved the custody issue? I’d keep in contact with her when I went home, take more business trips out here to see her. When the time came, we could find a way. Maybe by then she’d be ready to move to me.
She stirred in my arms, hugging me tightly as she woke. She nuzzled her face into my chest. For just a moment, I allowed myself to imagine waking up like this every day.
Her hand came up, and she lightly scratched my chest hair. “You have a lot more of this than you did ten years ago.”
I chuckled. “Yes, and in ten more years, my Greek blood will ensure I have a matching pelt on my back.”
She chortled.
God, I missed her laugh. Craziest fucking laugh I’d ever heard in my life. I chuckled and squeezed her.
“You wear my cross,” I stated.
“I never take it off,” she answered, her fingers automatically going to it. She pulled the long chain out from under her, placed the cross on my chest, and covered it with her palm. “Maybe you should take it to give to Georgie.”
I shook my head. “No. Absolutely not. The only thing I’ve been able to give you is my prayers, and I want you to know you have them still.”
She nodded. “You sure?”
“Positive,” I said decisively, laying my hand over hers.
“What time is it?” She asked.
“Six.”
Her body slumped against mine. Defeated.
“What time do you have to go?” She asked softly.
I ran my hand down her back to rest on the curve of her hip. “I can stay until tomorrow.” I closed my eyes, praying she could do the same.
“I can stay until tomorrow, if you want,” she responded slowly.
Relieved, I tightened my hold on her. “Yes, Ruby, I want that very much,” I murmured and tipped my head to rest my cheek against her soft curls.
We spent one, whole, glorious day together, packing in as much as we could in a frantic race against the clock,as if, in our desperation, we might hold back time. After dinner, we headed back to the hotel, our lovemaking colored with grief and tinted with desperation. Would we ever again have each other any other way?
