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Chapter 26 – Uh Oh
Vander
The Ruby who raced me around the track was the Ruby I fell in love with: a fun-loving free spirit, brimming with ideas, and barreling into new experiences with little forethought. I caught glimpses of her, like when the air vent disturbs the window blinds, causing slivers of sunlight to race across the shadowed floor, then disappear.
With Ruby, the shadows overtook her light just as quickly.
Our past was painful, I could not deny that. Even so, I looked to our past to sustain me, she used it to build her walls. Each time I broached the subject of us belonging together, she focused solely on the pain of our separation, and seemed to have forgotten the joy we shared, the fun we had. I intended to remind her of how we used to be together, and how we would be again.
If I pushed her, by the way she’d lit up when I kissed her, I could easily get her back into my bed. Once there, she’d be locked in, but I wanted her faith, or at the very least, her hope, first.
Saying that, if I had to wait much longer, all my good intentions would crumble to dust. Keeping my hands off her was becoming increasingly difficult. Twenty years ago, we’d only begun to discover sex. At the conference, desperation and grief tainted our lovemaking.
A whole new world would open for us once we came together this time. I couldn’t wait to make love to her slowly, tease her, play with her, explore with her, make her forget, make her fly.
I watched her as she took in the house. She looked around but seemed nervous. She wouldn’t even step over the threshold of the master bedroom.
I told her about my visit to see her yiayia, and my invitation to Sunday dinner while we ate our souvlaki, sitting on the couch in front of the coffee table in my family room. She nodded slowly, the wheels turning behind her dark eyes, but she didn’t protest.
After dinner I pulled out the box that triggered the end of my marriage, and watched her as she sat on the floor, and pored over the photographs. With every memory recounted, delight flitted across her pretty face. She smiled and laughed, her face going pink with her pleasure, occasionally asking for updates on friends we had back then.
Ever so slowly, sadness rolled in, flattening her delight.
“Why are you sad, Ruby-mine?”
She trailed her fingers across a few of the photos, separating a few out of the pack. I hoped she asked for them.
A fat tear rolled down her flushed cheek. She swallowed hard. Indicating the pile, she whispered, “We were happy.”
I nodded firmly. “Yes.”
She shook her head. “I’m not that girl anymore, Vander.”
“I’m not that boy anymore,” I retorted.
“I think… I’m worried… I think we’re setting each other up for a world of pain.”
I acknowledged her fear with a nod. “We might hurt one another. We probably will; couples do. But we are going to happen, Ruby. I’m willing to be patient, to a point, but you and I both know you’re fighting a losing battle. We belong together. We’ve always belonged together.”
She sat quietly for a pregnant moment.
“I’m scared, Vander. I can’t take another loss. What if we try and it doesn’t work out?”
I struggled for patience. “If we called it off right this second, could you walk away? Unscathed? Because I can’t. I fucking promise you, Ruby, if we don’t work out, it won’t be because I leave.”
“I don’t want you to come on Sunday.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“Jace has never had a father. He wants one, badly. What if he gets attached to you and things don’t work out?”
My promises simply bounced off her walls. Pushing my irritation aside, I reassured her. “I’m here, Ruby, and I’m not going anywhere. If Jace lets me into his life, I won’t leave him, either.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“You’re thinking of this all wrong. What you should be asking is, how can I not be?”
She huffed out an unladylike snort, and I stifled a laugh. Slicing me an irritated look, she pulled the few photos she separated from the pack towards her.
