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I exploded. “You’re not hearing me. At all. I tell you how I feel and all you do is bulldoze right over me! You’re not giving me any space, a chance to think! I’m afraid, Vander!”
“You think I’m not?” He retorted, throwing out his hands to his sides. “With you throwing your hand up to keep me at arms’ length? Fuck, Ruby! I’m not telling you not to be afraid. I’m telling you to be fucking brave!”
“Brave?” I yelled. “I’m trying not to be stupid! You put me aside! Twice!” My voice went higher with the incredulity of our situation. “What has changed? Why should I believe you have staying power now?”
The walls began to close in. There wasn’t enough air in this entire building for me to adequately fill my lungs. “I can’t do this.” I grabbed my purse off the table and took two steps towards the door.
“I should have transferred schools.” His deep voice broke through the silence between us, and his quiet words ground me to a halt. I turned my head slightly to the side, listening despite myself. I wanted answers. God help me, I wanted to let him in, but he needed to give me a reason.
I twisted towards him. “Why didn’t you?” I asked, my voice thin and reedy.
He stood still, his hands deep in his pockets, and held my eyes. “I told you before. I wanted you to meet me halfway. Fifty-fifty. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t in deeper than you were.”
I felt my shoulders drop. “I was in deep.”
“I know that now. I made a mistake. Both times. After the conference, I should have held on. I thought I did the right thing, the loving thing, by letting you go. But even before that,” he continued evenly, “I should have transferred. I should have been all in, one hundred percent, even if you weren’t.”
I turned away and dropped my chin to my chest, defeated. I was in 100%. How could he not see that?
“I was.” If he couldn’t understand all that he took away from me, how could he understand how difficult it was for me to trust him?
I heard his footsteps as he walked up behind me and placed his hands gently on my shoulders. He sent a shiver through me with a firm kiss to the nape of my neck.
“You weren’t. If you were, you’d have trusted me with your secret.” His voice was gruff when he continued. “You asked what has changed. It’s this. I’m one hundred percent in, Ruby-mine. I’ll take your five, your twenty, your eighty, whatever percent you want to give me. I’ll take it. But I’m in, one hundred percent.”
I brought myself back to the present and looked at my girls. Amber pulled her lips between her teeth and looked down at nothing.
Minty squeezed my knee. “I’m not sure if I’m impressed or appalled,” she mused, a small smile on her face. “He’s a bit of an alpha, isn’t he?”
Amber looked up and refocused. “You’d never think that if you met him,” she defended. “He’s really very sweet and polite.”
“No, no,” I interjected, waving my hands in front of me as if to erase what Amber thought she knew. “He’s changed. He’s not the soft, sweet boy he used to be.”
Minty laughed her tinkling laugh. “Well, thank heaven for small mercies! The last thing you need is a soft man, honey. Looks like you might be getting your ideal book boyfriend after all!” Minty wagged her perfectly arched brows.
Amber laughed.
I flopped backwards onto the couch. Done.
Vander
I sat on the deck in my fleece hoodie with a cup of coffee.
The past two days were harrowing. We cleared things up Friday night. She even kissed me, lightly, when I dropped her home after our talk, but things between us were still shaky. She asked me again not to come tomorrow, to give her another week. I refused.
On the upside, I was now solely in charge of her file.
When I suggested I take over from Dylan, she narrowed her eyes. “You may as well. I’m sure Dylan had to report every last detail to you anyways.”
I laughed. Ruby smiled despite her ire.
“You know,” I teased, “it’s not everybody who gets the CEO treatment. There aren’t too many files I handle directly anymore. What are you going to give me in compensation?”
Her mouth fell open comically and my heart lifted. Snapping her jaw shut, she snorted, “A black eye if you pull any more stunts.” She looked at me suspiciously.
I raised my hands in surrender, chuckling. “That’s it, there are no more surprises, Ruby-mine. I promise.”
