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Again.
Again.
I shook them out and resisted the urge to resume counting.
A transport truck cut in front of us, the sun flashing off the corner of the trailer. Lucky braked easily. An excellent driver.
Bruised and broken.
Blood painting the pavement.
I looked back and checked the straps. She slept. Her face at peace.
My fingers itched. I linked them together in my lap.
Bruised, broken, bleeding. Curled up on the pavement. Pale and still. Painted red.
Lucky reached for me across the seat, tugging my elbow, wanting my hand. I unlinked my fingers, spread my thighs, and placed his hand on my knee before linking my fingers in my lap, mentally knitting myself back together.
I leaned my forehead against the window and closed my eyes. Buildings and trees cast long shadows in front of the sun, the color behind my lids fluctuated with the flickering of shadow and light.
Once home, I carried in the diaper bag while Lucky transferred Brayleigh to her crib.
Locking the bathroom door, I splashed water on the insides of my wrists. No longer ensnared by compulsions, my failure burned. I opened the door and walked right into Lucky who immediately drew me into his embrace.
“I’m sorry. I thought I wasn’t supposed to check for you,” he murmured against my hair.
My voice shook with fury, fear, and adrenalin though I leaned into him heavily. “I control what I’m working on. You don’t get to decide what I check and what I don’t.”
His chin rubbed against the top of my head as he nodded. “You’re right. 100%. I was trying to do the right thing by showing my confidence in you. I’m sorry it came across the way it did. Be patient with me. Teach me how to deal with this properly.”
The truth rose with a vengeance. I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest. “You shouldn’t have to.”
He spread his hands wide with his palms turned toward me, exasperated. “Why not?”
“Because you’re you and you could have so much better! You could have a wife and family and more kids and not have to deal with all this.” I waved my hand down my front indicating all of myself.
He scowled. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, not this again. Minty, I don’t want anything other than what I’ve got right now. I’d deal with a fuck of a lot more than this to be with you. But you know what I don’t want to deal with? What I shouldn’t have to deal with? This bullshit of you pulling away every time you get the daft idea that I can’t cope. Give me some fucking credit!”
“You just don’t get it,” I protested, hope whispering sweet nothings to my soul.
“You’re right. But I will, baby.” He pulled me against his chest and bowed his back to cover me. “I will.”
Chapter Thirty-Six – Donkey Kong
Minty
When I woke up Saturday morning, I remembered that Hope planned to come early to pick up Brayleigh. Relief barreled in like a giant wave, depositing guilty debris in its wake.
Hope had a business trip the following week so Lucky and I would have Brayleigh full time. Hope decided to keep her the whole week before she left. Which meant I’d get a much-needed break. Hopefully a chance to get my head straight. All my hours spent researching on the computer had amounted to little more than a hill of beans. I had to sit down with Ezinne soon and get it sorted.
Junie and Lenny had booked a few days away at the same time so I planned to stay with Lucky for the entire week. It would be like playing house, giving me a chance to think about moving in.
He brought it up again last night but agreed to adhere to my timetable. We did, however, exchange house keys. I’d never done that before.
When Hope pulled into the driveway, something loosened inside me.
