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No.
Are you sure?
I needed to talk to Lucky.
“Morning, baby,” Lucky said softly.
“Hi! I didn’t think you were awake.” Surprised, I turned to meet his serious grey eyes. Shame bit into my soul. I did that. I dimmed the light in those laughing eyes. Was this what life would be for him now? Confusion and worry? Instead of siphoning off a little of his calm, I’d infected him with my chaos.
He smiled wryly, unknowingly confirming my thoughts. “You’re thinking too loud.” He held out his arms. “Come over here.”
I dipped my head toward Brayleigh, a spark of anger in my voice. “Did you forget we’ve got a little body here?”
His eyebrows knit. “She won’t fall out. Walk around.”
The space between us, the canyon separating his calm and my chaos kept me rooted in place, as if physically going to him required us to be on the same side emotionally.
“Come. Here.”
My eyes flew to his. He wasn’t joking but he wasn’t angry, either. Determined and hopeful, perhaps a little anxious.
I moved slowly, my internal voice urging me to retreat, my heart leaning hard in his direction.
He shifted toward Brayleigh and lifted the covers. Long and lean, golden inside and out, and I was a defilement. He waved me down.
My knee hit the bed and he knifed up to gently gather me down on top of him, tangling his hand in my hair.
Quietly, he ran his hand over my back.
Gradually, I melted against him.
“That’s better.”
I stiffened and he snorted out a laugh. His grip in my hair tightened.
“Baby, I’ve got you. I see you, and I’ve got you. You’re running scared, I get that. I am patiently waiting for you to explain, but I’m not completely clueless. I do know some of it.” He cupped the back of my head and pressed his palm to my back. “You won’t shock me. You won’t turn me off. You don’t scare me.”
This could be the beginning or the end. But I needed to lay it out.
“I’ll explain. When Brayleigh goes down for her nap this afternoon, I’ll give it to you,” I promised quietly.
His chest expanded beneath me with his rough inhale. “Good.”
Lucky
Relief. Finally. With everything out in the open, we could make a plan and begin the process of weaving the threads of our life together.
Holding her against my chest, I felt the moment she fell back asleep, her hand curled against my chest.
Loving a child, I understood. That made sense to me.
This business of handing your heart and soul over to someone who could at any moment walk away with it? This was a risk. Loving someone ripped open a vulnerability in a person’s soul, a space that could only be filled by them.
But I’d never seen the point in making life more complicated than it needed to be. I believed that priorities elevated a man from existing to living. For me, that meant family and friends took center stage. Fatherhood was worthy. Teaching meant something. Music fed me. And my faith rested unassuming beneath it all.
And I knew also, with a simplicity of faith that did not bear questioning, that Minty was everything. Which made the way forward simple enough, complicated as it might be.
I considered what I knew about OCD. Over the years, I’d taught two students with severe OCD. Both of those kids had mothers who advocated for them fiercely. Probably the only reason I knew how much they suffered.
