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“Yes, I’m fine.” He didn’t need to worry about me right now.
“What’s Brayleigh doing?”
“Sleeping on the couch beside me.” Tell him about the diaper. Tell him. “I didn’t change her diaper,” I blurted out.
“That’s okay, baby. If you need to, and you want me to stay on the phone with you while you do it, I can. But I think it’s better that we let her sleep.”
Even he doesn’t trust you to change her diaper.
“Okay. I’ll leave her be.”
“I’ll keep checking in, okay? Do you want me to call Ava?”
“No, of course not. She’s passed out. It’ll be fine.”
“I’ll check in again. I love you. Thank you for being there for her. And me. There’s no one other than Hope that I’d trust more with her.”
That was high praise. And probably misplaced.
I am not a monster. I am trustworthy. I have never lost control. The idea that I might is a lie.
Things I already knew. I also knew I shouldn’t defend myself. The voice of doubt wasn’t even the biggest problem. It was the visuals. They sent me reeling.
I wasn’t a threat.
Are you sure?
I lay back, my head resting on the back of the couch, and pulled a blanket over my legs. It was already nine o’clock. Chances were good Lucky would be home in a couple of hours and he could transfer her up to bed.
And change her diaper. Poor baby.
Lucky checked in again at eleven with an update. There’d been a workplace accident that took precedence, and Lucky was placed back in the queue. It would be another couple of hours. I assured him I believed she was out for the night and told him I’d text if I needed anything.
I tucked my hands under my thighs and closed my eyes.
Brayleigh’s whimpers penetrated my sleep. I woke up with my hands, thankfully, still tucked under my thighs. Only half awake, she curled her little body into a ball. I lay my hand over her back.
“You’re okay, dolly,” I soothed, rubbing slow circles.
Cornflower blue eyes blinked awake. She stared at me for only a second before her face turned red and pulled into a pained grimace.
The sound that came from her diaper would have made a trucker proud.
“Ahh,” she sighed. “I poop.”
“Yes, you did,” I agreed, laughing. Her forehead felt cool to the touch, while mine beaded with sweat at the thought of what I had to do.
“Change bum,” she demanded, holding her arms up.
I gathered her up, realizing my mistake half a second too late when I sat her on my arm and the contents of her diaper squished up her back and out both legs.
She attempted to peel her little thigh off my bare arm. “Yucky.”
My bladder chose that moment to let me know of its own need for release. I’d have to get her back to bed first.
“Indeed, dolly. I think we need to take you outside and hose you off like a dog.”
She perked up. “Outside?”
