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Locked out of the bathroom, water running, the crash of her fall. The terror of Brayleigh unattended in the bath. Her skin blue, eyes staring unseeing through the water.
My heart thudded in my chest.
Who’s going to close the door? There’s nobody else here.
I came back to find her standing in the same place. “Okay, darling. Minnie has wet wipes. Lie down to wipe your bum.”
She lay down in the tub and pulled her legs up, hanging onto her feet.
I closed my eyes against the visuals in my brain and quickly cleaned her up, using far too many wipes, anything to keep a barrier between us.
Her entire groin and cheeks were pitch red with rash and I knew I’d have to brave the cream as well.
No matter. I settled back onto my heels, accepting what needed to be done. I’d do what I had to do and suffer the consequences tomorrow.
With the water running, I gathered her up in a towel. “Let’s go get you a popsicle to have in the bath, hm?”
She pressed her tiny fingers into the nape of my neck as I took her down the stairs.
I spread my arms wide, her tiny body bounces off the sharp edges of the stairs.
It was getting harder to shake off the bad thoughts as I skirted the outer edge of my limits.
In the kitchen, I grabbed her a popsicle and caught sight of Lucky’s oven mitts. “Yes!” I hissed, grabbing them up. These would do nicely.
My bladder ached to be emptied. Perhaps I could close the curtain once she was in the bath and go pee. No.
The very idea was beyond imagination. Exposing my naked body in the vicinity of a child was so outrageous a suggestion I had no rules for it.
I filled the tub, gave her the popsicle, and with the oven mitts on, I scrubbed her clean.
Once the popsicle was gone, I drained the water, wrapped a towel around her little body, and picked her up, wringing out one of the oven mitts and bringing one with me. I needed it to put on the diaper cream.
My mind reeled.
The assault on my soul, unrelenting.
Zipping up her sleeper, I set her in the crib and walked out of her room to the sound of her screams. She needed Tylenol. She needed to sleep. She needed somebody who knew what the fuck they were doing.
I ran to the bathroom and relieved myself then whipped around and threw up.
Lucky
I breathed a sigh of relief to finally be home. On the couch, where I expected to find my girls, there was only Brayleigh’s blankie covered in what looked suspiciously like shit. I lifted it to my nose and recoiled. Yup. No doubt about it.
Oh no. That meant Minty had to deal with her diaper. Recalling how upset she was after the last incident, I began to worry about the state she might be in. Not so curiously, I didn’t worry about Brayleigh. I knew Minty would make sure she got what she needed.
I took the stairs two at a time, the smell from the bathroom seeping out into the hall. I tied off the garbage bag and took note of the soaked oven mitt.
My heart hurt for her.
There was no sound from Brayleigh’s room and the door was closed.
I eased it open and stepped inside. The overhead light was on, but both Minty and Brayleigh slept. Brayleigh in a nest of pillows and blankets from my bed, Minty on the floor beside her, curled into a ball.
How she held herself apart even in sleep.
After carefully transferring Brayleigh to her crib, I carried the pillows and blankets to our room, then went back for Minty. Her skin was cool to the touch. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
