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“I can’t leave the house without four different escape routes and a back-up plan,” Ruby added.
“I have fibromyalgia and I get migraines. There are times I’m in bed for days, unable to care for my children or run my business,” Bex offered.
“I, um, get insanely jealous and my mind makes up pictures of my husband with other women,” Mara admitted, flushing deeply.
“Me, too,” Amber whispered.
I swallowed hard. “My brain makes up pictures of all of you naked with your husbands. My brain gives me pictures of everyone naked and getting sexy.” I wouldn’t tell them anymore than that. They didn’t need to know more than that.
“Me and Lenny?” Junie leaned forward. “Have you pictured me and Lenny?”
“Of course,” I looked at her quizzically.
She smirked and wagged her eyebrows. “Do I look hot?”
I laughed. Hard. Amber shook beside me, and Ruby chortled and slapped her thigh.
“My, Lord, Junie!” Willa reprimanded her, chuckling, but Junie only shrugged.
“Gus wanted to know if she pictured him with Vander,” Amber choked out. “He wanted to know if he was top or if Vander was top.”
Ruby fell to the side. “Please can I tell Van?”
“No!” Junie interjected. “This is a pussy convention intervention. No dicks allowed. What is shared in the pussy convention stays in the pussy convention.”
“Agreed.” Mara smiled at me. “I know a lot about OCD. It often goes hand-in-hand with autism, and Olivia is developing signs of it. I think you’re incredibly brave. I would trust you with Olivia. I would love it if she had you to lean on when she needs it.”
“I trust you with Rena,” Willa added.
“I trust you with my boys,” Ruby declared.
“I trust you with Alex,” Amber murmured.
Just like that, the shame dissipated. I did not fool myself into believing that it would never return, it’s much too sticky a problem not to, but the easy acceptance and compassion offered by these women who had earned my respect, centered me. Surrounded me. Offered me intimacy. Belonging. An end to loneliness.
“Thank you,” I gulped.
“You’re fucking welcome,” Junie deadpanned.
“Let’s eat,” Bex clapped her hands together. “I’m starved.”
Chapter Fifty – Thank You
Minty
I paced laps around my apartment. Needlessly hesitating. A fine residue of doubt still clinging to my poor, disabused mind.
The girls left late the night before. Surprisingly, it was Junie who stuck around the longest.
“So.” She wagged her finger back and forth in the space between us. “We’re okay? I didn’t overstep?”
“We’re good, beautiful. I love your heart and I thank you for your care. It means the world to me.”
Junie sniffed and then shook her head. “Ah! No mushy stuff. I need to go home and bang Lenny’s lights out and I can’t do that if I’m all weepy.”
She skipped down the stairs, a fairy with the heart of a lion and the mouth of a trucker.
My thoughts returned to my current dilemma. I should just call. Or message. Or maybe I should just go to his house. Would that be weird? Stalkerish? Do I need a reason to call?
