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“Okay, beautiful,” I soothed. “If you let us in, we might even be able to wrangle you a shower and make you some lunch.”
“Sorry,” she mumbled, before backing up and taking another sip. “Oh, Lord, this is so good.”
Junie looked at me smugly. “Told you.”
I got busy in the kitchen, and Junie hovered over the sleeping baby in between tidying up all the baby paraphernalia. By the time Willa came back freshly scrubbed and slightly more awake, I had lunch on the table and two casseroles in the oven.
“Oh my gosh, Minty! You’re so fast!” Willa exclaimed.
“She’s a machine,” Junie concurred, nodding.
“Pfft,” I waved them away. “Lunch was take-out, and the casseroles take ten minutes to throw together. The oven does the work.”
“Thank you, Minty,” Willa murmured, her face soft, the dark circles under her eyes emphasizing the midnight blue of her eyes.
Before we finished lunch, Rena woke, fussing for her mama’s breast. Willa moved to a large comfy chair and drew a nursing pillow onto her lap beneath the baby.
Watching her tuck her sweet baby in close, noting the way Rena’s tiny body curled in around Willa’s torso, weighed heavy on me. Rena’s tiny hands grasped fitfully at Willa’s breast, and she mewled in her haste to feed. It sent a prickling awareness to my own breasts.
Watching them turns you on.
No.
Your breasts are tingling.
It’s not sexual.
Are you sure?
I smiled gently and took a slow breath in. Reminded myself not to argue with OCD. There was no winning that way.
In any case, there were similarities. But with a man those tingles signified a desire to be touched. Instead, I yearned to give. As if seeing Willa nurse her child reminded my brain of what my body, too, was built to do.
The heaviness built. The sudden sharp yearning for a child of my own surprised me even as it cut me in the deepest parts of my soul. For the first time in ages, I wondered if I’d made a mistake in cutting off this part of myself.
I shook away my wayward thoughts.
The unvarnished truth was that I could not cope without my medications, and my medications were not safe for a developing baby. Some people could switch between meds and mitigate the risks during pregnancy. I was not one of those people.
“Um,” Willa cleared her throat. “I know it’s early days, but I don’t think I’m coming back to work at the office.”
Junie’s head whipped up. “Okay…” Her eyes skittered over Willa’s face. “Are you sure? It’s not just hormones?”
Willa nodded. “It’s not just hormones. I have my art, the shelter, and the store. Doing all of it will be impossible with Rena. I can’t give up the shelter and I don’t want to give up my art. My favorite part of the business was the fact that you two were there.”
Her eyes filled with tears. She laughed and sniffed before pointing at her face. “This is hormones!”
“You can’t get rid of me so easily.” Junie bent over her and kissed her cheek then asked gently, “Do you want to sell the business?”
Willa shook her head. “I want you to think about it. If you want to slowly buy me out or if you want to sell.”
“Do you mind if I put some feelers out?” Junie asked.
“Not at all.” Willa turned to me. “Minty…”
I held up my palm. “Don’t worry about me. I can find another tenant. You two do what’s best for the both of you.”
“What about your job?” Willa’s pretty face creased with concern.
