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I could have been with Lucky right now.
Bus.
Safe travels.
I slept fitfully and it was a relief when the sun finally rose. Instead of going straight to work, I texted Junie to tell her I’d be late and went to my childhood home.
And Ezinne.
Just pulling into the driveway provided a hint of the peace I sought.
I sat in my car and remembered paints and brushes, a guiding hand over mine, sweeping color across a canvas. “You’re a marvel, my girl. Math and art and music. A miracle,” he used to say.
Dish soap mixed with hand cream. “Here you go, dolly. This will do both.”
Baking cookies. “Try this, dolly.” Mom putting her hands over mine, twisting the glass to release the perfect circle of dough underneath.
Weeks of homeschooling when going to school overwhelmed me. Mom did most of it, but Dad handled the math. “You’ve a fine mind, my girl. A fine mind.”
Encouraging smiles, gentle touches, firm guidance, loving eyes. Gentle hands.
Half of me wished I could simply sneak past Ezinne and hole up in my room, what used to be my parents’ room, and cocoon myself in memories. See if their closet still held any of their smell. I kept the bottles of perfume and aftershave on a box on the shelf.
Today was a day I would open it.
I looked up and could not help but laugh.
Ezinne’s elbows filled the doorway where she stood with her legs braced, her hands on her hips, head cocked with that beautiful smile on her face.
By the time I reached her, her smile had faded.
“You’re having a tough time.”
“Yes.” There was no point in denying it. Ezinne knew and understood me better than anyone and she had stood by me all these years.
“You want to talk, or do you just want to be here?”
I looked out across the wide front yard. Situated on the edge of town, the property stretched long and wide, offering space and privacy. Misery, in my case, did not love company, and there was nothing I wanted more than to hide but I knew that wasn’t what I needed.
I sighed. “If you have time, I’d love to chat.”
“Hmm.” She leaned over and looked in my eyes, a smile in hers. “Yes, you really look like you’d love to chat.”
Huffing out a laugh, I leaned against her as she pulled me into her side and welcomed me into my own house.
Her round breast pressed against the side of my arm as she squeezed me.
You like that.
I closed my eyes. I was too tired for this today.
You want to fuck her.
I dropped my eyes to the floor and mentally replied,‘Okay. I hear you. Thank you for your input.’
We stopped by the kitchen to get drinks and cookies to bring out to the porch. Twenty minutes later, having told Ezinne the whole of Lucky’s and my very short story from start to finish, I waited for her to speak.
