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Until Laurel, trying to nudge me out of my comfort zone and evoking emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. That night, I had wanted to tell her to go away, leave me alone, anything to have a peaceful night, but then when I opened the door, she was checking me out and not freaked out by what she saw. I wasn’t going to lie; women scare me. Not only did we open up our hearts to them, but sometimes they could be judgmental. I didn’t want to hear any woman tell me how ugly my scars were or feel pity for me because I had a prosthetic.
Laurel didn’t do any of those things. She admired me and took her time while I stood there half-naked in a towel. However, when her hand grazed over the worst scar of all, on my chest from when the IED went out and blew shrapnel into my body in multiple places, she didn’t blink.
I had become a pro at building walls and keeping them up to keep everyone out. Laurel, somehow that night, brought a couple of those walls down.
I wanted to have someone, I did, but I feared rejection. Who didn’t? I feared having a woman look at me like I was broken into pieces because of my scars and prosthetic. I didn’t think anyone could look at me without pity, but she did. At that moment, she did.
Ever since that night, she was all I could think about. She was a forthcoming book, nothing hidden about her, so why have I been refusing to read her? She’d been giving me the option all along, but I had been ramming her away because of my fear of rejection.
It is possible I could learn a thing or two from her. She seemed to consistently be in a cheerful mood, never frowned, besides the few times I caused it. She seemed to be so happy, and it made me realize how little I lived.
For all one knows, my mother was right; I needed to get out more. Go out with friends, date, and try to find happiness. Whatever definition I give joy. She wanted the old me before the military. I didn’t think I could give that to her one hundred percent. Some things maybe but not wholly. I could never be that innocent young man again. I was not naïve, bright-eyed, or outgoing anymore. It’s just the aftereffect. The things seen when on missions cannot be unseen.
Laurel made me realize I still can live and show compassion. This made me hopeful. It might not happen with Laurel but with someone eventually. I didn’t know if I wanted to expose myself to more pain. Deep down, I knew having sex with Laurel would be a huge mistake. It would cause a rift between us and cause problems at the office.
Some girls wanted to fix guys like me. I was not a fixer-upper house. I didn’t need to be fixed or mended. I felt like part of me thought that no matter what I gave her, it would never be enough. The problem was part of me wanted to take the chance, but the other part was completely against it.
I didn’t enjoy attending parties or hanging out in a restaurant for hours, carrying on a conversation. I liked to stay in, put on comfy clothes, and watch TV. Parties had never really been my forte. When people were out partying, they got stupid; they lost control. I never wanted to do that. I enjoyed staying in control.
Laurel was the opposite. She was outgoing, sociable, and loved to converse. She didn’t care what anyone thought of her, perfectly happy in her shell. I wished I could be that way, but it was just not in me.
Really? Are you going to sit around and talk about what could happen? You could go on for days. Just make a damn decision already.
I had not completed a single thing on my to-do list this morning. My mind had been elsewhere. As I was heading out for lunch, Chris hindered me. “Here’s the file you requested.”
At that point, I couldn’t even believe I had asked for it. It felt inappropriate to expose it. Any information I needed to know about her was in that file. If I had received this a week ago, the file would have already been demolished. “You detect anything that could impact us?” I asked him.
“Certainly not, sir. But you can look for yourself and decide what it is you are looking for exactly.”
Why was I not ripping it open to find out more about this woman? It was because she had gotten inside my head. Feelings had developed. All along I’d known better since the moment I laid eyes on her in the hospital. I never expected to see her after Lacey had gotten out until the night she assaulted me. That’s when this all started.
“I’ve got a call. I must take it. Thanks.”
I was sure he thought I was foolish. Why did I say it had been urgent, then I didn’t even open the file? Hell, I didn’t even know myself. This was new to me too. I didn’t know how I should feel. Relieved? Upset? My emotions were going haywire, which was just not like me. She made me think. Hesitation was also not like me. I just got shit done.
I searched for Laurel but had no reason to do so. She wasn’t at her desk, where she should be. I went downstairs to check the breakroom, but she wasn’t there either. In fact, most of my staff was gone. Where the fuck were they?
I took the elevator back up to the second floor, and I found them all back at their desks, acting like they hadn’t left. My face had gone red, and all I could see was red. They were not supposed to leave all at the same time. She should have let me know she was taking lunch, so I could man the phones while she was gone.
“Where the hell have you guys been? I was just here, and none of you were. Did you all decide to take lunch at the same time for some reason today?” She walked up to me and handed me a bag. Inside was lunch.
“I saw you in your office going over something. You were so focused, I didn’t know if you were going to have time for lunch before your meeting, so I picked you something up. Hope that’s okay.” How sweet of her. None of the other employees had ever brought me lunch or thought of me like that. I almost flashed a smile, but I didn’t. I kept it hidden. It wasn’t easy.
The darkness inside me wanted to come out, but I didn’t let it. If I wanted to continue to be myself, getting rid of her was my only option. My heart quivered when I thought that way, but it was true. One way or the other, I was exposing myself for hurt. “Can you come with me, please?” I said to her. I didn’t even look back to see if she was following me. The food smelled delicious, making my stomach grumble. I didn’t want her to think I liked her gesture too much, so I flung it on my desk and sat down.
When she came into my office, her eyes gave away the thought that she believed she was in trouble, but she wasn’t fearful. I couldn’t help it, but my fists were clenched, and my jaw was rigid. I didn’t mean to intimidate her, but that was just me. I liked having control over situations. I did not have control over my entire office going to lunch at the same time. Hell, if it hadn’t been for me going to find Laurel, I wouldn’t have ever even known.
I had every intention of propelling her away, but I couldn’t while staring into her eyes. She wasn’t showing concern but lust. I knew she was thinking about naughty things right now. Both of us in my office with the door locked. What could happen? My mind took me there as well. I couldn’t help it.
She was standing there in a navy wrap dress, her hardened nipples visible through it, and her curves accentuated to the best of the dress’ ability. I took her in from top to bottom. Her heels were white and gave her some extra height of about four, maybe five inches.
The next image in my head was her dress around her waist, with my hands ravishing her body. Her skin was silky, and she giggled as I kissed her thighs. I could feel myself getting hard which meant she could see it. My breathing started to become labored which was giving it all away.
She wasn’t innocent. Her breathing had been labored. Her vision must be considerably more inspiring than mine to get her hot that fast. I wanted to throw her on my desk so bad, but she was dangerous. I should open the door and walk away. If we followed through with this, there was absolutely no way back. I either fucked her or discharged her. Wow, that sounded so wrong on so many levels but not in the creepy boss way. I would never want her to think that she had to sleep with me to keep her job. I would never seek a woman to do that which was why I had made a rule to never sleep with employees.
I couldn’t contain myself. I needed to feel her skin and her tongue against mine, more than I required an assistant. I could find another assistant. Another Laurel, not likely. I had never come across another woman like her. She was one of a kind. No women had ever made me question my rules.
Before I could think about it anymore, or doubt my decision, I moved closer and put my lips on hers. Initially, I was watching for any hesitation from her, but none came. She was completely relaxed, almost to the point of falling to the floor, but I caught up.
