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Chapter Four
Rayne
Rayne sat on the front porch, enjoying the evening breeze while Wood and Trent were inside having dinner. Rayne had eaten his spaghetti and meatballs so fast that he may have given himself a touch of heartburn before he excused himself from the table so that they could eat alone and talk about their day without him gazing on. Rayne had his earbuds in while he listened to positive life affirmations on his MP3 player with his prayer hands at his heart and his face tilted toward the darkening sky. He concentrated on releasing positive energy into the universe in hopes of receiving a little back in return because he sure could use it. The Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting he’d attended helped a lot with what happened this morning, but the fact he still didn’t have a job continued to cause him a lot of anxiety.
When I open my eyes, I’ll know that everything is going to be okay. My lifeis meaningful, and my heart is open. He inhaled and exhaled again. To one day be enriched with the truest love. And with a long exhalation, Rayne sealed his intention with three rounds of breath and then opened his eyes.
The air caught in his lungs when he saw Mike standing only a few feet away from the first step with his feet shoulder-width apart and a large red toolbox gripped in his right hand. He had a peculiar expression on his serious face, as if he had no clue what Rayne had been doing. Rayne had been concentrating so hard on his mindful breathing and the calming sounds of ocean waves in his ears that he hadn’t heard Mike walk up. Which was baffling because his large boots didn’t look as if they allowed him to move in silence. Rayne took out his earbuds.
“Good evening.” He smiled, blinking his long lashes.
Mike scoffed at him, making an inch of Rayne’s confidence waver. “Don’t put on that pretty act for me. Trust me… I’m not worth it.”
Rayne swallowed, unsure if that required a response. It didn’t sound like it. Still, he didn’t want to insult the man who could put him back out on the streets. Mike was the owner and landlord of their trailer. And so far, this was the safest place Rayne had lived since he’d started his abstinence. “I wasn’t putting on an act.”
“Yeah you were,” Mike said with an easy smirk that made him look younger than his age. Rayne didn’t know exactly what that number was, but he was sure it was far above his own twenty-nine since the man had a son older than him. “But I understand the mask. I got a few of ’em myself. I’m just letting you know that you don’t have to wear it around me.”
Rayne didn’t know what to say as he stared. “Did you come for dinner? I’m afraid they’ve started without you,” he said with less charm and saccharine in his tone.
Mike seemed to like it as he stepped closer. “No, I came to fix the other bathroom in the master bedroom. That way, you don’t have to share with them and risk any more…”
Rayne glanced down at the toolbox, then back up to meet Mike’s dark eyes, seeing a warmth in them that he hadn’t noticed the night he’d sought refuge in Wood’s shop. He was big, strong, and imposing. Rayne could only imagine what a man like him must think of someone as spoiled and pampered as he was. “Thank you.”
“What were you doing just now?” Mike asked in a rough, assertive tone that made a flutter churn in Rayne’s stomach. “Praying?”
“Meditating… well, more like mindful breathing,” he answered, hoping he didn’t sound foolish. Being who he truly was hadn’t been easy to get used to. Sometimes, he’d slip into character, just as Mike had noticed, when he was nervous. He wore his mask like a shield so no one saw the shameful disaster that he was underneath it. “It helps to calm me when I’m…”
Mike braced his large, tattooed hand on the railing, his thick bicep bulging beneath his plain black T-shirt as he set his toolbox on the ground with a heavy clank. Rayne swallowed thickly and uncrossed his legs from his easy pose, then stretched them out in front of him. He inhaled, trying to reach the calm he’d just experienced ten minutes ago, but his heart battered in his ribs, and his usual swagger was fleeting. Rayne wasn’t close enough to touch Mike, but it didn’t matter. He could still feel him. He was having that same visceral reaction to Mike that he had when he’d first seen him at the tattoo shop and this morning when he saw him standing outside of the county jail, looking dangerous and vengeful. And right now, as Mike stood towering over him at six foot and some more inches in low-riding, dirty work jeans and grass-stained hiking boots, he was pure realness and strength… everything Rayne wasn’t but wanted to be. His body vibrated like he wanted to get closer to Mike, to linger in his shadow and absorb as much of his protective energy as he could that radiated all around him. He wondered if Mike even realized how strong his aura was.
“Calm is good,” Mike rumbled.
Rayne frowned. Umm, what was good? What had they been talking about? Did I say something out loud?
“So that kind of breathing helps you stay calm? No shit?” Mike appeared genuine and interested, not as if he was placating him.
Rayne smiled, feeling good about that. He loved to talk meditation with anyone. Mike’s eyebrows dipped dramatically as he stared at the lower half of Rayne’s face, at his mouth. Rayne unconsciously licked his lips and looked anywhere but at Mike, not wanting him to think he was getting fresh with him because he wasn’t. God, he hoped he wasn’t.
“That’s interesting.”
Mike’s gritty voice danced over Rayne’s skin like sharp nails. He had to clear his throat before he answered, “Sure. Well. It works for me anyway. I can’t imagine a man like you needing help staying calm.”
Mike’s sun-roughened face was back to that resting serious expression. “What would make you say that?”
What the hell would make him say that out loud? Good grief. Rayne wanted to restart this entire conversation because it was going into left field. He was usually smoother than this, but he wasn’t in character any longer, and Mike was a man in a league all of his own. And it intimidated the hell out of him. Not that he’d have a shot with someone like Mike, but if Rayne wanted to find a man on that level, then he needed to hurry up and get his shit together.
“I didn’t mean anything bad by it—”
“Bad or good… I still wanna know what made you say that?”
Rayne blinked. Damn, he loved Mike’s demanding tone. “I guess I said it because I imagine not too many people piss you off. Therefore, you probably don’t need many breathing techniques to stay calm. You don’t exactly radiate worry and anxiety.”
Rayne laughed a light chuckle, but Mike didn’t.
He was quiet for too long, just gazing at him with those bottomless dark eyes before he finally grumbled, “See? We all wear masks.”
What does he mean by that? There was a considerable stretch of silence between them, and Mike’s gaze stayed hard and indecipherable.
“You didn’t like what was for dinner?” Mike changed the subject.
“Oh. No, it was really good. I was just giving them some time alone.” Rayne tried to instill a little enthusiasm in his voice so Mike wouldn’t see how much it wrecked him. He tried to run his fingers through his hair but remembered he had it pulled into a small bun at the nape of his neck. He tugged at the elastic band and released his thick, wavy hair. He’d cut it down on the sides a few months ago, but the top had grown longer. He preferred it over the long styles. He thought his new haircut made him look older and a lot less pretty. “I don’t want to make them feel more awkward than they already do. Living with a sex addict isn’t easy.”
“Maybe for some men.” Mike’s words came out low and tinged with a sensual edge.
That statement had Rayne even more confused than before. He just couldn’t get a read on Mike. And this was what Rayne was supposed to be so damn good at—staying two steps ahead. Men usually didn’t stand a chance when he had their full attention.
“We’re all human, and we all come with our own baggage and past, y’know. Don’t let anyone give you shit about yours. Fuck other people’s hang-ups or what they think.”
Mike brushed past him, leaving Rayne on the porch to simmer in that statement, taking his scent of spring flowers and aftershave with him. But Mike had left hints of his protective energy behind, and Rayne closed his eyes, opened his palms, and breathed in deeply to take in all the lingering traces that he could.
