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18
Word got out fast that I was looking to find ways to keep busy. I found myself helping weed garden beds and chase kids around. I read books to a blind shifter, learned how to cook chili in a huge pot, and told ghost stories around a campfire.
Best of all, I finally found my sense of direction. I could make it to the lake and back by myself and managed to keep my bearings all over camp. A few times, I found myself at Alec’s door, but he was never home. Nobody seemed to know where he was, but any time I asked, he was simply,away. It was probably better that way. While I wanted to ask him for more details about his plan to help break my mating bond, it wasn’t going to solve my wolf problem.
The days bled into night and I’d collapse on my cot, exhausted. My mind didn’t race, I didn’t worry, I didn’t overthink anything. I was too tired to wonder.
It made the time fly, but it didn’t help me get any closer to figuring out what I wanted or drive any connection with my wolf.
“Knock, knock,” I said as I pulled the tent flap open.
Greta greeted me with a warm smile. “Any updates for me today?”
“I haven’t shifted if that’s what you’re asking,” I said. “It’s been a week, Greta. Nothing is changing.”
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you yesterday, you have to give it time. Your wolf doesn’t trust you yet.”
“I don’t have time.” I hadn’t told Greta the specifics of my conversation with Alec, but I got the sense that she understood. I still wasn’t sure of it myself. First, I thought I was going to have to leave. Then, I found out we might be able to break the bond, but I didn’t know what that meant for me. Either way, I knew my best chance at survival was to have the ability to shift. At the very least, I needed enough control over my wolf to know she wouldn’t break free while I was around humans.
The wolf shifter council didn’t do much to govern the packs. There was a king, and a whole system that I never cared to learn about. The only thing that stuck was that if you shift in front of humans, you’re going to draw attention. And not the good kind.
“There has to be something I’m missing,” I said.
“You’re still not letting go,” she said.
“Sure I am. For the last week, I’ve had no schedule and no plans. I’ve helped people and spent time wandering and I’ve swam in the lake and I’ve stayed up late drinking and having fun. I’m doing whatever I feel like doing and it’s not changing anything,” I said.
“There’s got to be something you’re missing,” she said. “Your wolf knows you’re holding back.”
“Without leaving here, I can’t do much else,” I said.
“What about your mate?” Greta asked.
“What about him?” I snapped. She’d never brought up Tyler before and I’d never asked her about him. Aside from Sheila, Alec, and Malcom, nobody knew that I had fled a mating bond. At least I didn’t think so. I’d told people I’d left due to being mistreated and the reputation of Wolf Creek was bad enough that they didn’t question me.
“Have you let yourself consider what it means to walk away from a bond like that?” she asked.
“No. And I’m not going to waste any time thinking about Tyler,” I said. “He’s dead to me.”
Something stirred inside me. A sensation I hadn’t felt in a while. I couldn’t explain it, but I knew my wolf was reacting.You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Greta lifted a curious brow. It was as if she knew exactly what I was feeling.
“Before you say anything, please don’t,” I said. “If it comes down to me staying human forever or me having to be with that asshole, I’m choosing myself.”
My wolf seemed to whimper.So now you want to come out and play.
“He tried to kill me. Multiple times, I might add. Sure, he usually stopped short of full-on murder, but what kind of sick fuck throws around their mate like that?” I asked. “Not to mention the fact that he literally left me to die. So while he might not have dealt the final blow, he set it up for me to end up dead while he celebrated my demise. He’s a sick fuck.”
“I’m not saying you need to be with him or that you should want him at all. I’m saying you need to process the trauma you’ve been through.” She stood and walked over to me, then took my hand in hers. “Maybe you can’t move on with what you want because you haven’t let yourself heal. Your wolf is the primal part of you that thrives on instinct. You have to give your wolf time to adjust to losing a mate, even if you know it was for the best.”
“I can’t think about my past,” I said. “I can’t.”
“You might have to,” she said.
Feeling defeated, I left Greta’s tent. I wasn’t ready to unpack years of trauma, yet when I thought about Tyler, I’d felt my wolf for the first time in a week.You know why I hate him. I found myself talking to her as if she was someone else. It felt a little crazy, but it also made me feel better.
We deserve better.I could sense her inside me, vibrating. The energy almost felt like she was pacing. As if she was waking and restless after being shut indoors for too long.Welcome back. Are you ready to try working with me?
