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"It might be best if I stay dead." Khan drained his wine and got to his unsteady feet. He couldn't sit there any longer with all those expectant looks on their faces. He fought to keep his anger and shock in check. Neither would help Ankhara.
No one stopped him as he walked from the house and into the night.
Thirty-Two
Kashmet made to get up, but Fen beat him to it. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Stay here. I'll follow him."
"Good idea. He'll be more reluctant to yell at you."
Fen quickly thanked Nousha and Mushuri for dinner and hurried to catch up with Khan. The streets were lit with colorful lanterns, so she spotted Khan quickly in the distance, his braid swaying.
Fen moved around the other pedestrians and leveled up beside him. His eyes darted across to her and flinched. She didn't say anything, only took his hand to let him know that he wasn't alone.
"I…I don't know what to do," he said, his voice breaking.
"That's okay. You don't have to do anything tonight," Fen replied, bumping her shoulder against his. "Just keep breathing."
Khan's hand flexed in hers. "Were they mad I left?"
"No. I think they understood you needed some space. I'm the same when I'm working something out in my head. Sometimes, you just need to walk." Fen tilted her head up to stare at the stars. "So we will walk until you feel better, and then we will go home."
They moved in silence, Fen letting him guide her through the winding lanes.
"You once said that the seiðr gave advice to the kings in your land," Khan said eventually. "What would you advise me to do in this situation?"
Fen thought about it, even if she didn't really need to. Khan was the one that needed to see how good of a leader he would be, and no amount of people telling him that would change his mind.
"In my lands, the biggest issue you would face is the attack to your honor," Fen began, drawing him closer. "Hasina killed your father; it would fall to you to repay that blood debt. It doesn't matter if you are a king or a peasant. You're honor-bound to get justice. She has also stolen your birthright, something else that demands you to make her accountable for. And thirdly, she tried to kill you. You are thrice bound to stop her, Khan."
"And this is your advice?" he asked, sounding defeated.
"Not so much advice as stating a fact. I know you never wanted to be pharaoh, and you believe the court doesn't want you to rule." Fen squeezed his hand. "Don't think of the fucking court, Khan. Think of yourpeople, like Asten and Hafiza. They are Ankhara, the people you go out of your way to help when the courtiers just worry about themselves. People like Hasina and her cronies will suck the life out of the city because that is what leeches do. Only you have the authority to take back the throne, and I know you're no coward, so why the hesitation?"
Khan ran a hand over his braid. "Because I can't just march an army of Atrahasi warriors into the city, Fen! Too many people have died already. I won't have more innocents killed because of me."
Fen took both of his hands and pressed them together. "That is what your father and Hasina would do. You arenotlike them, Khan, so stop thinking you need to rule like them. You are one of the most brilliant magi this city has ever produced. You will find another way. You only need to accept this challenge, and your beautiful, big mind will find a way."
Khan stared down at her, eyes full of emotion. "I'm just so scared I'll make the wrong decision, and people will suffer for it."
"As I said, you don't need to decide tonight. You only need to start thinking of a way to solve this problem without violence. If you keep that as your goal, you won't make the wrong decision."
Khan touched her cheek. "You believe in me that much?"
"I do."
"Why, Fen? What did I do to deserve it?"
"Because Iknowyou. You're the type of prince who rescues priestesses because of a vision and feeds sweets to hungry, dirty children. The type of prince who would risk dream walking to try and save the life of a slave."
Khan's hands cupped her cheeks. "If I do this, will you come with me?"
"Of course I will." Fen stood on her tiptoes and pressed a light kiss to his lips. "Someone needs to watch your back, and you can't teach me to read if you are dead."
Khan laughed softly. "Then I will do as you say and think about it."
"Good! Things could be worse, you know. At least you don't have gods making strange bets on your life," Fen pointed out. They crossed through the gates and back onto Sargon's property. The house was quiet as they walked down the halls to Khan's chambers.
"That's true. Did you want to talk about it?" Khan asked.
