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Chapter 20
Darkness surrounded her as Maxi lay in bed next to Billy. Last night she’d snuggled up against him out of emotional fear and exhaustion, but tonight, tonight felt different. He’d asked if she wanted him to stay, she’d said yes and he’d lain down on the other side of the bed.
So, here she was. Lying a foot away from him, in total silence. As hard as she tried, she could hear nothing but stillness. After many years of being in the city, it was a little disconcerting. But she couldn’t deny that it was also kind of peaceful. Everything about being here with Billy was peaceful.
It shocked her that she could feel that way, with everything that was going on. But there it was. Despite still being traumatized by a past that Billy knew nothing about (and, if she had anything to say about it, never would), despite being afraid for her own safety, and despite being terrified about what was going to happen with her dad, there was no denying that when she was with Billy, she felt safe and at peace.
In fact, that feeling of overwhelming calm that filled her whenever she was near him was exactly the reason why she had wanted to sleep in the same bed with him. It wasn’t about sex, although she would be lying if she said that she wasn’t turned on by being this close to him. Sex wasn’t even the most profound thing she felt when she was near him. That would be the calm. The peace. The sense of overwhelming everything-is-gonna-be-alright-ness. And that’s what she needed more than anything right now.
Billy, to her, was like the ultimate Xanax. Only better. While pills like Valium and Xanax only affected a person’s emotional state, giving an inner sense that everything would be all right, Billy did more than that. He not only gave her that soul-deep conviction that everything would be fine, but he also had the goods to back it up. She knew he would do anything he could to protect her and keep her safe.
Even in a situation like the one with her dad, where his powers to affect the outcome were limited, she still had the unshakable comfort of knowing that, if the worst were to happen, they’d figure it out together. Tonight, Billy told her that he would be right there for her, that she wasn’t alone. And she believed him. No matter what he would be there to help her pick up the pieces.
That revelation had caused a knee jerk reaction to bring up Stephanie. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to prove exactly, since she hadn’t really believed that he was interested. Looking back at the conversation she could see that he was toying with her, but in the moment she’d been all kinds of jealous. Instead of getting defensive or launching into a “big talk” that she wasn’t ready for, he’d handled it with his innate charm and wit, two of the things that she loved the most about him.
Contemplating all of this while being this close to him made her want to get closer. She wanted to feel the heat and strength of his body. Since she was ninety-nine percent sure he’d fallen asleep over an hour ago, she did her best to move silently, ninja-style, as she scooted nearer to him. When she made it to her destination she gently laid her head on his shoulder with a sigh of contented relief.
To her surprise, she felt his arm snake underneath her and wrap around her waist, pulling her even closer until she was pressed completely up against his side, wrapped up in the warm and safe cocoon of his arm.
She tilted her face upward, her cheek still pressed against him. “I thought you were asleep,” she whispered.
He shook his head. “I sleep when you sleep. Not before. Not after.”
Even in his whisper, she could hear the commanding, low growl of his authoritative tone coming through and it sent a shiver of excitement up and down her spine.
Suddenly, this wasn’t enough. She didn’t just want to be near him, she wanted to be with him. Nothing short of that was going to be enough. Not even close.
With everything going on, she didn’t want to think about her past or her hang-ups, and she didn’t want to think about the future and what it held, she just wanted to live in the moment. And in this moment she wanted to feel him.
Never before in her life had she initiated any kind of intimacy. But if there was ever a time to do it, this was it. She trusted Billy implicitly. If she didn’t act on her impulses with him, then she feared she never would.
Her heart raced as she trailed her fingers up and down his bare chest and abs, thrilling at the contours of his ripped muscles. She kept her touch featherlight. This entire experience was a dance, an erotic dance, and the worst thing she could do was rush her steps ahead of the beat. She gave her mind plenty of time to get used to what her hands were doing and what her eyes were taking in. So she forced her body to remain completely still except for her fingers wandering lightly over his skin as her gaze tracked their progress.
His muscles tensed and twitched beneath her touch and she smiled a small, gratified smile. She liked the fact that even the smallest, lightest contact from her affected him. It made her happy, and maybe a little drunk with power. Most of all, though, it made her feel connected with him, and that was the most intoxicating feeling in the world. One that she feared was addicting and no matter how much she felt it, she’d never be able to get enough.
As his breath grew ragged, her touch grew bolder as it made its way towards his waistline.
“Maxi,” he breathed, his throat raw. The desperation he felt was evident in his whisper. She couldn’t tell if it was a desperate warning for her to stop, or a desperate plea for her to go on. Or a tense combination of the two.
“What?” she asked quietly, her voice sounding completely innocent.
It was, of course, a false innocence that she didn’t feel. But since he’d teased her tonight at dinner, she felt like turnabout was fair play?
“Don’t do that unless you mean it,” he replied.
“Do what?”
“Your hand,” he replied gruffly.
She scooted her dormant hand out from where it was tucked between their bodies and held it up, wiggling her fingers.
“What? This?” she asked lightly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s just laying here. It’s not hurting anybody.”
The whole time she was saying those words, she kept the tantalizing trail of her fingertips constantly moving up and down his chest and torso, exploring a little bit further south on each trip downward below his waistband.
“That’s not the hand I’m talking about and you know it,” he growled.
A thrill of arousal so hard it almost made her pass out shot through her body, settling in her core. The passion she heard in his voice—the sheer, raw power of uncontrolled sexual energy that came through that growl—was stunning. No wonder none of the guys she’d dated had ever done it for her. They were boys. Billy? He was a man, and it came through in his voice, his face, his body, his…well, everything. Her body trembled at the underlying passion she heard coming through in his voice, and she sensed a shift of energy in the room.
