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Troy nodded and then took a look at the groupings of tools laying out in front of the guys gathered there, picking some up and examining them, and offering intermittent tips along the way.
It was only during this process that Gavin realized that these “guys” weren’t full-grown men at all– they were teenagers. Some of them pretty young looking teenagers.
Gavin realized one more thing: they were looking up at Troy like he was some kind of God.
So, shit, they’re clearly pretty impressionable, Gavin thought before reminding himself that he’d put a day-long ban on sarcasm in place.
Anyway. Gavin didn’t know if it was Troy’s status as a former pro athlete or if he had some kind of previous rapport built with these particular kids (because that was what they were, when you came down to it), but there was definitely real admiration shining in their faces, and it sent a jolt through Gavin, a feeling that he never expected to feel toward one of his brothers.
He was jealous.
Well, not jealous so much as…he didn’t know the word. It wasn’t a negative feeling, as if he didn’t think Troy deserved what he had and it should’ve been Gavin’s instead. It was more like he saw what Troy had built here, and he wanted that for himself, too.
Longing.
Yeah. He recognized the correctness of the word as soon as it popped into his head. He had a deep longing to fit in somewhere the way Troy obviously did, to be looked up to, to give back, to find meaning.
Huh. Meaning. There was that concept again. It had been on his mind a lot, this search for meaning, and he’d come no closer to solving the conundrum.
As he worked side by side with the teenagers all day, though, he thought that he might be making some progress. Talking with them, hearing about their lives and struggles, and offering his experience and perspective was satisfying.
It made him feel like a link in the chain of time. His father, his teachers, his commanding officers– they’d passed down lessons to him that had served him well, strengthened his character, and made him the man he was today. Now, he was passing that same wisdom down to a younger generation. Possibly, one day in the future, they would do the same for someone younger than themselves.
Gavin didn’t know what it all meant in a practical sense, or how he was going to translate this experience into a plan for the future, but he did feel a hell of a lot closer to grasping the thing he’d been searching for: meaning.
