AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You listen to me, Logan Ray Davis.” She poked a finger at him. “You are a once-in-a-lifetime sort of man. You are worthy of a woman who values you, and your wants and desires matter as much as hers. If marriage is important to you, that’s what you should have. Don’t sell yourself short for someone who won’t give you their all. You are worth that and more. Do you hear me?”
Logan’s arms hung loose at his sides, and he dipped his head a little. “I hear you.”
“I want to hear you say it. Say, ‘I’m worth it.’”
“Mom.” He glared at her, but his heart wasn’t in it.
“Humility is an endearing quality, but not knowing your own worth isn’t. Say it.”
He heaved out a sigh. “Fine. I’m worth it.”
She continued to eye him suspiciously, and he fidgeted under her perusal, looking around. A family was in their front yard several houses down, but otherwise the street was empty.
“Have you been buying things for her? Doing a lot of little things for her?”
Logan frowned. “What do you mean?”
Of course he did things for her. He wanted to make her feel special. He often sent her flowers and messages to let her know he was thinking about her. And he’d sent her tacos that one time. He knew how it felt to be lacking affection from others, and he never wanted Jeni to feel the same. Was that what his mom was asking?
“When you first came to stay with us and you’d been here a few months and we opened up the conversation about adoption, you started doing little things for Robert and me,” she said. “All the time. You made us art projects, put away your own laundry, and did the dishes when we weren’t looking. No thirteen-year-old boy does dishes without being asked. A few times you even found wildflowers and brought them home for me. It was like you didn’t think we’d want you unless you proved to us you were worthy. Like you thought you needed to be perfect or earn our love by the things you did and not just for who you were as a person.”
Logan just stood there, his brow furrowed, unsure how to respond.
He remembered the day his parents asked if he was interested in joining their family. They were the first people who ever seemed to care for him beyond a desire to give him a safe place to sleep. He was thankful for that from the other foster families, of course. And from Paula. But Robert and Ingrid were interested in spending time with him and investing in him. To teach him things and watch him grow. When he realized that, he supposed he had upped his game a little bit. He wanted to show them what a good kid he could be and that he could give them something in return. That he could be the son they’d always wanted.
The process of formal adoption was long, and part of him was terrified they’d change their minds.
“I…” he started but wasn’t sure how to finish.
“Love isn’t earned, Logan. It’s freely given. We wanted you to be our son before you started doing those things. You already were. I thought as you got older and we hopefully showed you what unconditional love looked like, you’d see the truth in that. But I wonder if you’re doing the same thing you did back then, trying to earn her love with the things you can do for her instead of just for who you are.”
Was he?
Maybe in some ways he’d always done that a little bit. approached women in a way that demonstrated what he could offer. Which used to be mainly pleasure.
But with Jeni, he’d tried so hard to show her more than his body. To be more.
“Your past and the terrible people that neglected you when you were a child have nothing to do with who you are as a man. That coming and going mindset? It’s true. People will come and go in your life. Some stay and are meant to be there. Others move on, and they don’t deserve another second of your time. There are givers and takers, and you’re a giver through and through. You’ll give and give until there’s nothing left, and you deserve someone who fills you back up. Who helps you see, and believe, that there are pieces of you worth loving and worth keeping.”
Logan’s eyelids burned, and he blinked several times through blurred vision. His heart ached with how badly he wanted Jeni to be that person.
“Shit, Mom.” He sucked in a breath and held out one arm.
His mom’s chin trembled, and she lurched forward and hugged him. “I love you so much. I just wish you could see why.”
“I love you too, Mom.” She was so small in his arms. For a split second, he wondered where his birth mom’s head would land if he could hug her now, as a grown man. He immediately pushed the thought out of his mind.
Thiswas his mother.
She pulled back and looked up at him. “And Logan?”
“Yeah?”
“Watch your language.”
* * *
Logan left his mom’s house shortly after that, with a lot more on his mind than when he arrived. He drove around in the dark for a while before finally pulling up Andrew’s text with Lauren’s address. He made a pit-stop before heading there and pulled up to the curb twenty minutes later. Jeni and Andrew’s cars were still there.
