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“Like an idiot, I thought I could change her mind. Show her that I wouldn’t hurt her and that she was a priority. Now I know her fear of commitment goes deeper than that. She said she doesn’t think I could ever be happy with her because of…” Logan trailed off, suddenly worried. Andrew knew about that, right?
“Because she can’t have kids?”
Logan’s shoulders relaxed. “Yeah. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. I didn’t ask her to marry me for her uterus.”
“Really? That’s why I asked Lauren.”
Logan caught himself just before he took a drink and laughed. “Different strokes for different folks.” He thought it best not to tell Andrew which body parts of Jeni’s he gravitated to most.
“I think it’s different for women,” Andrew said. “Having children is a different experience for them. Not having that option is hard for her, I think.”
“You’re right. Absolutely. I want kids, and I know she does too. But I have no requirement for how we do that. Even if she could have biological kids, I’d want to foster and maybe adopt. She would too. I’m just as happy for those to be the kids that fill our home. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if my parents hadn’t done the same for me.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yes.”
Andrew sighed heavily. “She’s stubborn. When she has her mind set on something, it takes an act of God to change it.”
“I know. But I’ve seen it happen, so I know it can.”
Andrew crossed one ankle across the opposite knee and regarded Logan steadily. “In this case, I hope she comes around.”
“You do?”
“I like you for her. I’m kind of surprised I didn’t think of it first. She hasn’t dated at all since her divorce, and I’ve been worried about her.”
“I don’t know if I’d call what we were doing ‘dating.’” At Andrew’s narrowed eyes, Logan quickly backtracked. “Not because—um, I mean because she won’t let us label it like that. It’s not like, just physical or anything…” Oh, hell.
“Stop. I get it,” Andrew interrupted.
“Thank fuck.” Logan took a long drink. “Is this always going to be weird?”
“Not if you marry her.”
“I’m trying. She won’t let me.”
“Keep trying.”
Logan was all for fighting for the woman he loved. But there was a point where it crossed the line from persuasive and romantic to pathetic and hopeless, and he felt like he was standing right on it. He risked a black eye to say the truth. “I’ve done my part. I put it all out there and said all I can say. It’s her turn, man. She’s gotta decide.”
Andrew was quiet for a moment. He tipped his head back, his eyes on the stars making their appearance in the sky. “Well. Let’s hope she makes the right decision.”
* * *
Logan began to lose hope. Two weeks had passed since Andrew came to visit and still no word from Jeni. He was tempted to track her down and beg her to reconsider. Or to tell her he would and they could go back to the way things were.
But when he really thought about it, he always talked himself out of it. He’d end up in this same place time and time again. A vicious cycle of half commitment, which was really no commitment at all.
If there was hope for them, he had to know she’d come to the decision on her own. That she wanted him more than her fear of past failures and the unknown of their future together.
He hit the gym hard after work that day in an attempt to release his frustration and sadness. He came home and ate in front of the television. Another riveting Friday night. He’d spent more evenings alone the past few months than he had the entire year before he met Jeni but surprisingly, he wasn’t bothered. He didn’t feel the need to go out and meet someone new. Finding that physical connection with women he barely knew no longer held the same appeal.
Maybe it never had. He just hadn’t known any different.
Just as he considered the allure of exclusive familiarity and intimacy between two people, his phone rang.
His heart leapt, but when he looked at the screen, it wasn’t Jeni. It was someone even more unexpected. He hesitated for several seconds then answered the call.
“Cassidy?”
