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Chapter Twenty-Three
Jeni thought she knew what it meant to be the center of Logan’s attention. The night they’d slept together she’d felt his singular, intense focus, and she’d been positive she’d never experience anything more overwhelming again.
She was wrong.
Since they agreed to start their relationship of sorts, he was everywhere. Even if he wasn’t with her physically, his presence was somewhere. All the time.
In the flowers on her desk, delivered fresh every week.
In the sweet text messages he sent just to say he was thinking about her or that he hoped she had a good day.
In their batches of beer fermenting in her garage that she saw any time she went anywhere (the first had been terrible, the second tolerable, and the third somewhat enjoyable).
He’d been so patient with her that night she broke down crying. Held her close and wiped her tears without forcing her to talk about what was going on inside her head. He still hadn’t brought it up since, letting her do it in her own time.
He was the best man she’d never known.
Every time she caught herself getting used to it, she steeled herself and tried to stop her feelings from growing deeper. Logan was planting roots deep in her heart, and the more entrenched they became, the more painful it would be when they were inevitably ripped out.
One morning as they sat on the porch after he’d stayed the night (nothing exciting to report—Logan wouldn’t budge an inch on his decision to take it slow on that front) she’d almost told him what upset her so much that day. Her deepest, darkest secret. Which wasn’t actually a secret so much as a fear and an inadequacy in her ability to be what he needed.
But as they sat in the quiet that morning, Logan seemingly comfortable in the silence Jeni preferred while she drank her coffee, she decided she didn’t want to lose him just yet. She wasn’t ready to go back to being lonely.
So, she didn’t tell him.
She couldn’t bring herself to regret it. Things had been wonderful since Valentine’s Day, so why mess with a good thing?
He was never far from her mind. What was he doing right this minute? Was he thinking about her? She pulled out her phone to send him a text when an elbow jabbed her in the ribs.
“Hey, can we go in there?” Lauren asked, pointing to Athleta. “I need new Netflix pants.”
In a weird thought that was some sort of mixture between happy and depressing, Jeni looked at Lauren and realized that even when things with Logan ended, she wouldn’t be as alone as she was before. She now considered Lauren a friend, and the two were spending the afternoon shopping on the Plaza. Not only was she a friend, but Jeni half-expected Lauren to become a soon-to-be member of her family any day now. Her brother hadn’t said he planned to propose, but she could feel it. Twin connection or whatever. His last chemo was Friday, and his (hopefully) last scan early next week. If he was cancer free, what better way to celebrate than an engagement?
Jeni adjusted her glasses. “Sure, but only if you tell me what Netflix pants are.”
“I’m a huge documentary nerd, and I like to be comfortable when I’m watching them. Netflix pants.”
Jeni rolled her eyes. “You and my brother are perfect for each other.” She’d never met anyone as obsessed with documentaries as he was.
Lauren smiled wide, as if that was the best thing she’d heard all day.
They walked into the store, Lauren making a beeline straight for the capri leggings. Jeni decided she could use a new sports bra and went in the other direction. When she spun around, she nearly walked right into someone.
“Oh, excuse me,” Jeni said, shifting to the side.
“Jeni Bishop?”
Jeni looked up. “Gretchen? Is that you?”
“Yeah!” Gretchen Thomas, a friend of Jeni’s from high school, held her arms out for a hug.
“What on earth are you doing here?” Jeni asked when they pulled apart. She hadn’t seen Gretchen in years. She’d always liked her, but they weren’t so close they kept in constant communication outside comments and likes on social media posts.
“My mom and I came down for a girl’s shopping trip. She’s not into exercise, so we split up when I wanted to come here. I’m meeting her at Panera in ten minutes. You should come. She’d be so happy to see you.”
“Oh, that’s nice. I’m here with a friend, but thanks for the offer. Tell her I said hello.”
“I will.” Gretchen tucked her short dark hair behind one ear. “So, how are you? You live here now, right?”
