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I give him another nod.
“Does it feel like fire when she touches you?”
I nod, recognizing the searing pain as we connect.
“Is your mind both clear and fucking distorted? The only person on your mind is her?” he growls, and I watch as his eyes darken, his fists clenching as if he wants to get to her right this second.
“Fuck yes,” I groan, my hands going to both sides of my head, and I squeeze. “I can’t deal with this shit. It’s like one moment I literally want to toss her into the water, and the next moment, I’m pulling her to the surface, my heart feeling like it’s going to pound out of my chest in fear. Fear, Malik.Fucking fear. I’ve never felt actual fear before. But you know what’s scary? The surprising feeling of someone you hate burrowing so far into your chest that the thought of something happening to them feels worse than something happening to you. To me. To fucking anyone. I can’t deal with this. I feel like I can’t even breathe, bro. No fucking air in my lungs.” I slap at my chest, feeling like every breath causes pain.
He smiles, and it makes me grow angry.
“What the fuck?” I growl.
“You’re caught, bro."
I scowl at him. “What?”
“Caught. Hazel caught you. Every single word, every letter of what you said, I’ve felt. I still feel. Vera broke my walls down. Hazel broke yours. It’s okay to fall, cousin. It doesn’t hurt as badly as you think it does. Let yourself bruise. Be breakable. You want to know what’s more painful than bruising? Being without her.” He walks up to me, his hand clapping onto my shoulder. “We’re all better when we’re whole.”
He turns around, walking to the door, and I follow slowly, feeling like I got so many answers, but it’s still unclear. Everything is just so fucking unclear. Or maybe it’s clear, and I refuse to uncover my eyes.
Malik turns to me when he gets to the door. “Whether or not you decide to do what you know is right, I need your head back in the game. So, take the day tomorrow, and then get your ass back to work, Felix.” He shakes his head at me. “I’ll see you in a couple of days.”
I give him a nod, and he slips out, closing the door quietly behind him. Turning around, I make my way to the stairs. Every step causes a deeper stir in my gut. The small wings of moths inside my stomach turn into eagles, and by the time I make it to the top of the stairs, I feel like every inch of me is saying to turn the fuck around.
Go get her.
Go be with her.
Make this right.
I let out a frustrated groan as I whip the towel off my shoulder and throw it to the ground. In only my swim shorts, I stalk into my room, ripping my drawers open and pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
I shouldn’t have this gnawing in my gut over her. It’s as if her grandma lit something in me that I can’t extinguish, because even though I was fighting the pull within me before, it’s amplified now, as if she uncovered what was really brewing beneath the surface.
I feel like I can’t live without her. I feel like she’s the sustenance I need to survive.
She may have started as my enemy, but she’s grown to become so much more.
Why should I stay away from what I want?
I may be the bad guy, but if fate is involved, why do I fight it? Why do I go against the grain and fight against the current when it’s pulling me in her direction every second anyway?
I shouldn’t.
I really fucking shouldn’t.
Because I don’t fucking want to, and I’ve always fought for what I want.
And I really, really fucking want her.
Fuck this.
I pull my clothes on with jerky movements, and spinning around, I slip on my shoes and grab my keys, making my way back to my car for the second time tonight.
I’m not waiting for another moment.
She is my fate.
